Sheep and a Wild Boar

Sheep and a Wild Boar

Today started off fairly uneventfully, my first lessons started at eight am at my favourite wine cantina. Is eight am too early to start drinking wine? If I can somehow manipulate the English lesson to include among other things, how different wines taste, can I please start drinking wine at eight am? After two lessons with the owner of the cantina and his right hand woman I went off to a local school to provide lessons to all the children. The primary school has five classes, three toilets, a dining room for lunch time and a grand, no an impressive number of children. There are a total of nine children in the school, the staff almost outnumber the pupils. Class five has only two children, so on any day they have a 50% chance of being the top of the class, or the bottom of the class. After two hours at the school, I really wished I had drank some wine at the cantina.

At 12:30 I drove down to the little house we are buying and had another look at it. Amazingly it still looks as if it was the right decision to buy it. The plaster I skillfully stuck to the wall ( I nearly resorted to using super glue to keep it in place) was still in clinging valiantly to the wall. Admittedly it was the ‘easier’ first layer of plaster, I haven’t yet told Fräulein that I have purchased 50 kilos of final plaster and I will spend Saturday morning turning the air blue with my language as I attempt to create a perfectly smooth final finish. It is possible I might have wasted some of our money on the 50 kilos of plaster.

Driving off to a lesson over the hills and far away I encountered a shepherd, a collection of motley sheepdogs and a lot of sheep. I managed to screech to a halt and the car behind me managed to stop just before he ran into the back of me. One good thing about meeting several hundred sheep, is my car won’t need washing for a couple of days, well certainly the front and sides won’t.

Sheep, as far as the eye can see.

We are lucky to live in the countryside, Fräulein is a city girl and she is still getting used to driving down long winding roads in her monster truck. I sent her my photo of the sheep and she sent me back her photo of her last encounter with sheep.

Sheep and I raise you two donkeys.

My photo shows more sheep, however I have to admit two donkeys are pretty impressive. A couple of months ago, a wild boar ran across the road and attempted to head butt Fräulein’s monster truck, the truck suffered minor damage, bits of plastic fell off and the wild boar managed to run away with nothing more than a headache.

I was only playing, honest

The repair of the monster truck cost €2,200 it seems bits of plastic are very expensive in Italy. Fräulein was really lucky, because cars that tangle with wild boars normally do not survive the incident, the weight of wild boars in Italy can reach 150 kg or 331 lb in real money.

There has been some progress in preventing car collisions with wild boars in Italy. Pedestrian crossings are being painted all over the place and hopefully more boars will learn to use them.

If only!

And as today is Friday and I refuse to work at the weekend, I can look forward to resting, reading books and relaxing with some wine going to our little house and trying to plaster the guest bedroom’s wall, swear a lot, and paint the lounge. Fortunately Fräulein is a good painter, maybe I can persuade her that it will look better if she does the painting and I just watch her.

Have a good Weekend

Pecora Nera and Fräulein.

I am still a little ill (man flu)

Last week was Carnival in Italy, unfortunately I slept through it, I was suffering from a bad case of man flu. I cancelled all my lessons and decided to spend the week being nursed by Fräulein.

I might stay ill for a couple of weeks. 😇

Actually, I thought I had cancelled all my lessons, however it seems I forgot to cancel a lesson. I realised my mistake when I received a rather terse WhatsApp message from a teacher. She used words such as, molto dispiaciuto and perché! I didn’t need to use google translate to realise I was yet again in deep trouble.

Today I went back to school to work with Class 1 children aged 6. They are a special class who work hard and we have now finished their workbooks, so now I either have to design some interesting lessons so they don’t realise we are repeating work they have already done (read revision for the above sentence ) or I can start getting them ready for next year, which is way more fun.

Between lessons I wandered downstairs to apologise to the teacher I forgot to message whilst I was on my death bed. She made me apologise again and stoop my head in shame. I felt like one of the donkeys in Class 2 that I was due to teach in five minutes time..

Dear heart before you go do you have any last words? Yes, tell the school I might not be in class tomorrow

Class 2 have been an ‘interesting’ class to teach. Interesting being the best adjective to use for class 2. I have tried various methods of trying to control my lovely Class 2 and have settled on the carrot and stick approach with them. If they complete the work and I don’t have to glare at them, they receive a star in their books. The stick is they will have to listen to a 5 minute talk about respect and behaviour after the bell has gone. The head teacher has resolved her problem of losing her voice whilst teaching class 2 by purchasing a small portable speaker, slung around her waist.

Carrot and stick
The head has started using a small portable speaker!!!

I refuse to shout in class, I prefer to scare them silly by staring at them or talking in a deep low voice using a language they don’t really understand…. English. I think the fear of the unknown is more fun and besides if I decided to use a speaker to raise my voice, I would go out and buy the type of megaphones the police use during civil unrest.

Altogether, let’s sing Silent Night….

My heart goes out to all my teacher friends, roll on the summer holidays

I need a holiday.

I have just finished two hours of teaching my little munchkins (insert here, little horrors) to be honest I love them all, especially the mischievous ones. I guess because I was and still am a little mischievous. At the moment I am trying to relax in the local restaurant and trying to ready myself for this afternoons lessons. Unfortunately, someone has allowed the tattooed waitress to choose the music… Pasta and Trance music, just what I wanted.

Please not trance music, I need an hour of chill time.

Today Paula, aged five showed me her new hairstyle, self administrated at home with a pair of her mum’s scissors. Halfway through today’s lesson I turned to Paula and with my fluent Italian, ok my poor Italian… I asked her, with a stern face and voice if she could be good for me. With eyes sparkling full of mischief she replied NO! I managed not to smile or crack up laughing..

This is not Paula, but you get the idea.

Because of the Covid pandemic, the teachers are paranoid of sticky little fingers and exploding noses, can someone please tell me why children have such a fascination with their noses and their friends noses?

My day normally goes something like. Mario, take your finger out of your nose, Mario, take your finger out of Maria’s nose. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE DON’T EAT IT!!!!

Pick one for me!

I will be honest, this is probably one of my children, if not this year then next year.

For sure this child will be in next years class

While I finish my pasta while listening to trance music, I will leave you with this photo. Because the little girl on the right, is the type of child I love to teach.

Bye for now.

Monday morning with Mrs Sensible

On Monday morning Mrs Sensible went back to work, the children have another week of holiday before they return to the classroom. I am not sure what Mrs S does in an empty school, allegedly she is attending meetings and organising the new school term, but I think she sits at her desk sharpening her pencils and practicing telling the chilblains to sit down, be quiet, do your work…….

Mrs Sensible on Monday Morning

Mrs Sensible on Monday Morning

I phoned Sicily this morning and asked my father in law for a quick update on life, he told me he has made 300 liters of home-made wine. He said it should be ready for December, so guess where we will be spending the Christmas Holidays, he also told me the mysterious case of the missing pig has been solved!!!

Little Black Pig

Little Black Pig

I know you guys have been worried about the little black pig, but fear not my father in law told me Davide found the pig sat outside his pen making little grunting noises. Probably pig talk for I have been on my holidays and I am now  hungry and thirsty. So all’s well that ends well.

Christmas dinner with red wine

Piggy back from his walkabout

So as one holiday ends I can now start planing my next trip to Sicily, I understand the pig has been invited to Christmas dinner although he may find himself on the table rather than sat at it.

Poor Piggy

Mrs Sensible is her name and teaching is her game.

Mrs Sensible is her name and teaching is her game.

Mrs Sensible passed all her exams and qualified to be a teacher many years ago. Unfortunately so did many other people. Each year Mrs Sensible is given a ten month contract, working in one of the state schools. She is then laid off during the summer and we have to watch our pennies as she doesn’t qualify for holiday pay. We then pray that Mrs Sensible will be given another contract for the following year.

The Italian government has decided to change this nonsense and employ full time teachers for the 11,892 positions that are normally handed out on short term contracts. The problem is there are 172,248 eligible teachers who all want and need a job.  Snr Profumo, some geezer in the government decided that what Italy needed was a competition, and so the Concorso Insegnanti 2012/13 is running.

Teachers in Turin

Teachers in Turin waiting to enter the school for the 2012 School Contest

In December the first stage of the concorso (competition) took place. 50 multiple answer questions, were laid before the 172 thousand teachers. Only 33.6% passed, Mrs Sensible passed and was quiet annoyed with herself for only scoring 46.5 out of 50. She needed 35 to pass.

I have no idea how she managed to pass the first stage, since some of the questions were supposed to be based on logic but even Spock would have considered them illogical, and the maths questions… well let me give you an example.

ilogical Captain

Illogical Captain

5 trains leave different stations. Train A arrives before Train B, Train C was driving faster than train D. Train B arrived before train D. What did the driver of train C have for breakfast? Mrs Sensible knew the answer.

I like to think my lack of Italian played a small part in helping Mrs Sensible pass the exam. She is forced to use English if she wants any sensible answers from me, and so the English Questions that made up 25% of the marks was a piece of cake for the talented Bi Lingual Mrs Sensible.

Anyway at the beginning of this month she went to Torino to sit the written exam. I booked us in a nice hotel and went along for the ride. As I took a couple of photos a little lady whose name translates to Mrs Drinkwater asked me if I was a journalist. No no, my wife is a teacher I said, pointing at the mass of people who were trying to enter the building.

Mrs Sensible is in this crowd

Mrs Sensible is in this crowd

“Come and have breakfast with me” she said. I often wonder if I have a note stapled to my back with the following printed on it STRANGE PEOPLE PLEASE APPLY HERE. On the way to breakfast Mrs Drinkwater acquired another friend who just happened to be standing near us. After breakfast and as we left the café I gave my excuses and said I needed to put some money in the car parking meter. Oh that’s ok we will come with you. Ahhuh… As the three of us approached my car Mrs Drinkwater, who by now had taken on the position of tour director, said There is a lovely church just past your car, would you like to see it?

Well I had 3 hours to kill, so stupidly I said yes. It was a lovely church and I wasn’t too put out as Mrs Drinkwater and our friend dropped to their knees to pray for their children who were at the moment trying to pass the concorso. I wandered off down the church to look at various paintings and sculptures. As I wandered back to the silently praying twosome, a priest entered the church and everybody stood up. Come on let’s go to the front, said Mrs Drinkwater. Aaahhhhh!!!

I know I shouldn't have taken this picture. But would you have believed me.

I know I shouldn’t have taken this picture. But would you have believed me?

We went to the front of the church, and I sat behind an old lady in a fur coat. The two priests took mass and communion, they said their Hail Marys and left the church. With Mrs Drinkwater in the lead we set off back to the school where Mrs Sensible was working hard.

Mrs Drinkwater stopped once or thrice to answer her mobile, she would have a loud conversation with someone called Giuseppe, and then set off walking again. We didn’t stop at the school, Mrs Drinkwater marched straight pass it, across the road to the University for physical education. Just before she entered the University she once more phoned Giuseppe. I naturally assumed that Giuseppe was waiting for us inside, we would be given cake and tea and take the load off our feet for a couple of mins. It couldn’t be further from the truth. We took a tour of the University trying various locked classroom doors, it was when she rattled the third door that I became a little suspicious that maybe Giuseppe wasn’t in the University and was more than likely sitting in Messina, Sicily, phoning his mum to make sure she wasn’t getting into any trouble.

We wandered down a long dark corridor, and I kept expecting to see a security guard who would shout at us and physically throw us out, or maybe something worse.  At the end of the corridor was a gymnasium. Girls in leotards were engaged in some pretty physical jumping up and down and waving their arms around. Mrs Drinkwater put her shopping bags on the floor and decided to join in. Now finding myself caught up in a catholic mass on a Friday morning is one thing, and I am no stranger to surprises and strange circumstances but this was becoming a little too surreal even for me.

Mrs Drinkwater

Mrs Drinkwater

The woman in charge of the aerobics class, pleasantly, if not a little sarcastically, asked if we would prefer to join her class rather than practising in the entrance. I made We need to go NOW signs with my hands and thought that if I started to leave the building Mrs Drinkwater and our friend would follow.

Safely waiting back outside the school for Mrs Sensible, the teachers started to emerge from the building. Some looked decidedly unhappy, one of them heard my dreadful Italian and she realised that I was English. She asked me to look at the answers she had given to the English questions. Now, I am not a teacher but the answers she had given were definitely incorrect. I shrugged. Mi dispiace, è sbagliato, I said as I shook my head. She looked stunned and wandered off. One or two others also asked me to mark their papers and I politely decline. I pointed at my wife and suggested they ask her. One girl bursting into tears was just too much for me.

There are two more exams to be sat before the 172 thousand teachers are weeded down to 11 thousand, I just hope and pray Mrs Sensible is not one of those that are weeded out.