I am the only Englishman in our company, we have a lot of Italians, one Albanian and two savage cats. But only one Englishman.
Every year just before Christmas, everyone receives a large Panettone. This is very much like a cross between a soft bread and a fruit cake. And please don’t you Italians get your knickers in a twist over my description because I like them as much as the next
Throughout the year, we play quite a lot of practical jokes on each other. Nobody has yet beat my lesson on English swear words. But they do try.
This morning we all received our Panettone, and I had a little gift prepared for them; ten 200 gram tins of Heinz Spaghetti Bolognese (Spag Bog)
As I reverently, handed them out. I was greeted with amusement, bemusement and the odd remark of “ma que skifo” Marco wanted to know if the pasta in the can was dry and did he have to add water, while Lorenzo discretely tried to abandon his can on the desk.
I tried really hard to convince them that this is how we prefer our Spaghetti Bolognese in England.
Merry Christmas to you all.
One of the engineers in our factory, asked me to teach him a few English words. Ok I said what do you want to know.
English swear words please.
I decided to help Lorenzo out, because I am that kind of guy. So while we were stood by the coffee machine I started his first English lesson.
Lorenzo the first and most important swear word you will need and use in the factory is… nasty. In England we use this word all the time. For example, when a car driver cuts you up, we shout out of the window “you are nasty” and if someone spills wine on you, you may call them nasty. “Is it like stupido he asked” oh no much worse, it is very vulgar.
I then leaned closed to Lorenzo, making sure I didn’t spill my coffee on him and conspiritally whispered, “There is a really bad English swear word but if I tell you it, you must never use it, when Mrs Sensible is in the office or I will be in big trouble.”
Lorenzo’s eyes lit up. And I whispered “naughty” or if you want to be really rude say “you are very naughty” With a straight face, I spent a good ten minutes making sure Lorenzo had mastered how to pronounce these two swear words and then I walked back to my office.
Later during the morning, I wandered back through the factory to the drinks machine. I fancied another coffee, I seem to live on them while I am at work. As I took a sip of the coffee, I heard Davide shout “Sei nauoooty” and Lorenzo reply non è vero. It seems the new swear words were working their way around the factory. I am sure, the infatuation with my new English swear words will die out on Thursday. Because on Thursday Marco will be back at the factory and his English is pretty good, and besides I taught him a whole list of proper swear words one evening over a beer.
But for the moment I can’t walk down the factory without grinning as the engineers call each other nauoooty and nasty.