An English lesson on how to swear.

One of the engineers in our factory, asked me to teach him a few English words. Ok I said what do you want to know.

English swear words please.

I decided to help Lorenzo out, because I am that kind of guy. So while we were stood by the coffee machine I started his first English lesson.

swear-wordLorenzo the first and most important swear word you will need and use in the factory is… nasty. In England we use this word all the time. For example, when a car driver cuts you up, we shout out of the window “you are nasty” and if someone spills wine on you, you may call them nasty. “Is it like stupido he asked” oh no much worse, it is very vulgar.

I then leaned closed to Lorenzo, making sure I didn’t spill my coffee on him and conspiritally whispered, “There is a really bad English swear word but if I tell you it, you must never use it, when Mrs Sensible is in the office or I will be in big trouble.”

Lorenzo’s eyes lit up. And I whispered “naughty” or if you want to be really rude say “you are very naughty”  With a straight face, I spent a good ten minutes making sure Lorenzo had mastered how to pronounce these two swear words and then I walked back to my office.

Later during the morning, I wandered back through the factory to the drinks machine. I fancied another coffee,  I seem to live on them while I am at work. As I took a sip of the coffee, I heard Davide shout “Sei nauoooty”  and Lorenzo reply non è vero. It seems the new swear words were working their way around the factory. I am sure, the infatuation with my new English swear words will die out on Thursday. Because on Thursday Marco will be back at the factory and his English is pretty good, and besides I taught him a whole list of proper swear words one evening over a beer.

But for the moment I can’t walk down the factory without grinning as the engineers call each other nauoooty and nasty.

28 thoughts on “An English lesson on how to swear.

  1. You’ve missed out the best ones. I’m not sure if you taught them the inoccuous ones because you’re well-behaved, or because you don’t want to get your hand slapped by Mrs Sensible. My personal favourite is “you plank!”, it surprises French drivers log enough for me to make a speedy getaway!


    • They were the first thing Marco a friend of mine asked. Do you remember your first school dictionary? What were the first words you looked up, just to see if they were in the dictionary.. 🙂 Or were you a good girl?


      • OH I was a very good girl, I was!

        I can’t specifically remember looking words up, but I can remember hearing a joke at school when I was about 9 or 10 years old, that everyone laughed at (including me), but that I had no idea what it was about. The funny thing was that when I looked up that particular word – I was still no nearer knowing!

        And, no ….. I can’t repeat it here! lol


      • Tell mrs Sensible,that’s for mere thurst of culture, from my part, ok?

        I love your blog ,yor wife,your neighbors……
        I live in Milan , I’m Italian,but I know that you don’ t like to correspond in Italian,right?

        Ok,then,teach me some English,!
        Merry Christmas to all of you!


  2. Ciao Sanfermo, Merry Christmas (Buon Natale) to you.

    I will talk to Mrs Sensible tonight and she will TELL me if I can add English swear words here. 🙂 But I think it will be a no.

    It is not that I don’t want to correspond in Italian, we can if you want; but after 5 years living here my Italian is still very basic. We could e mail each other but the topic would be, where is the bathroom? do you accept bancomat? I don’t like octopus, and bugger I have lost the car again.


  3. Pingback: Spag Bog at Christmas | Englishman in Italy

  4. He heee!
    Reminds me of when I taught English in London. I had aBrazilian student who was desperate to learn some English swear words but, working in a school, of course I had to refuse. One day he came into class triumphant and delighted with a list of words written in pink felt pen. He had sat next to a little kid on the bus and convinced him to write down all the swear words he know. The words were bogey, snot, let-off, ear wax, plonker, prat and skidmark.


    • Hi Sicilian housewife, Happy New Year.
      Classic just classic. My favourite is bogey and ear wax. Which reminds me, Mrs Sensible won’t eat raisins or currants because they remind her of bogeys; do you think she has spent too much time teaching young children??


  5. I used to teach Japanese to Canadian high school students. They always begged me to teach them swear words in Japanese. One year they wore me down. I sighed, closed my classroom door and said, “You have to promise you will never use these in school.” They all solemnly promised and I taught them a series of swear words, leaving out the very worst. Of course this came back and bit me on the butt – from that day on the Japanese swear words spread like wildfire throughout the school. Fortunately, the principal assumed that the spread of Japanese swear words was the responsibility of several of our Japanese international students. Phew!


      • Try making an Italian say “squirrel”. It’s so funny that, after 9 years of marriage, I still sometimes make my husband say it just for a laugh.
        Oh and try this phrase:
        “Brussels sprouts cause problems in my household.”
        (If you think about it for a moment you’ll figure out why this one is going to be funny….)




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