Dear Father Christmas

Dear Father Christmas, what on earth went wrong this year? You are normally a pretty cool dude and I love the presents you normally leave under my Christmas tree. Admittedly some of the cooler presents arrived when I was younger. For example, the guns with the suckers was an excellent present.

One of my best presents.

Even if I only managed to play with them for a brief 30 seconds before they were confiscated and hidden in some dark cupboard or put in the loft for when I was older. However the look on my older sister’s face was priceless when the first and only shot from the pistol hit her on the forehead and stuck. The image still brings a smile to my face. My mum never gave me the pistols back, obviously she was waiting for me to become responsible enough to have them returned and I never reached that level of maturity. I bet they are still in my mum’s loft, with the purple clackers that were also confiscated.

My beloved Clackers.

I don’t normally write you letters, I usually rely on your discretion and hope you bring me something nice, like a nice malt whisky, of a crate of wine. You know I don’t need or want socks or scarfs or jumpers that I wouldn’t be seen dead in.

Ok, I would accept this jumper if the lovely lady comes with it.

This year I wrote you a really nice letter, I told you I had been good, more or less. I even made promises that are going to be difficult to keep, (some I have already broken) and I asked for something specific to be left under my Christmas tree. I only wanted a wild woman, someone with a sense of humour, who liked wine and could tolerate this black sheep, and what did you leave me? one and a half tons of wet wood! How on earth did you mix up wild woman with wet wood?

Wet Wood

Somewhere there is a man who was expecting, a load of wood and is frantically trying to explain to his wife, why there is a woman sitting under his Christmas tree drinking all the wine.

So please do me a favour and sort this little mistake out.

Best regards

Pecora (waiting for a wild woman) Nera

Merry Christmas.

Christmas was going according to plan, school has finished and I thought, why not get out the decorations and make the house festive. On hindsight, I should have just opened a bottle of wine and watched a good movie.

Over an hour ago, I carefully carried my little box of Christmas decorations into my house, I gently removed the lights and laid them on the floor, they are still on the floor in a multitude of knots.

January 2020 I packed the lights away and I remember taking my time, so how come they were and still are tangled together? Are they annoyed that last year I gave up on Christmas and didn’t put them on my tree? And decided to spend 12 months tying themselves in knots!

A knotty problem

Last year was a hard year and I didn’t feel very festive, so I dragged my little lemon tree into the apartment I was renting and stuck a few baubles on it. If last year, I had found the lights in knots, I would have thrown them out, this year I am a little more patient. (A little)

Difficult to see, but the tree decided to flower during Christmas.

Will someone please explain to me how I should pack the lights away so they don’t tie themselves up, and please, how do I untangle them without breaking the bulbs or going crazy.

I have done a quick search on the internet and discovered I am not the only one who has this problem.

A good solution

Speaking about Christmas light fails, there is a town in Germany that might want to rethink their Christmas lights, unless of course they had been sponsored by Victoria’s Secret..

Knickers I hear you say.

I am going to wish you a safe and happy Christmas and after I have finished this glass of wine, I will have another go at untangling my Christmas lights or as a last resort, I might once again bring the lemon tree into the house and stick a few baubles onto it.

Merry Christmas

Skool is nearly closed for Christmas.

Last week, I realised my six year old students are much better at drawing than I am, it is a sad state of affairs when I am beaten by a class of six year olds. I love teaching Munchkins (little people) they are like sponges, they absorb everything and they behave impeccably for me. We were learning basic vocabulary for toys. As I drew each toy, the kids were making several guesses at to what I was attempting to draw..

Maria: It is a Teddy Bear.

Sara: Nah, It is scary

Mario: Could it be a doll.

Kids: Nah!

What a job I have, I get to draw with chalk every day.

As you can see, my little students drawings are far superior.

Maria is a budding artist

During December I launch the ‘Design My Christmas Card Competition’. The competition is open to all the children from Class 5 (age 10) across the schools I work with. Normally I sit down with a glass of wine and with a couple of friends, we judge the cards and choose a winner, or this year, two winners. The winning cards are currently on display at my local bar. 200 of each have been printed so that I can give them to my friends and students in the schools.

If you look carefully, you can see Alessia (the barmaid) trying to hide behind the bar.

This year I agreed to work with two nursery schools, to all nursery teachers.. how do you manage to keep your sanity and keep the munchkins engaged? I am only working with the nurseries until February and then I will need a long holiday..

Ok, I admit it, I love working with the little ones.

Unfortunately, one of the schools I work with has closed due to a Covid outbreak. The nursery that stayed open asked me to take a Covid test before this weeks lesson. Argh

Covid Test

I really hate Covid tests, and not only did they shove the swab so far up my nose that my ear started to itch, but I had to sit outside in the cold (minus 3 degrees) while they processed my test. Fortunatly I was negative.

Testing station

Comfy chairs socially distanced in the cold…

I will leave you with my Snowman, as you can see my sculpturing prowess is about as good as my skill at drawing.

Slush the Snowman