A stressed Englishman

At the moment I am fighting the Italian bureaucracy, earlier this year a pen pusher unceremoniously deleted me from the Italian health system, I can no longer book an appointment at the hospital and I am probably violating some law by visiting the local doctor. I am a firm believer in fighting on two fronts, as in if you are biting their ears it is also wise to kick their shins, so here we go, not only am I trying to get reinstated, I have also starting the process for Italian citizenship.

I can see a stressed time ahead

I can see a stressed time ahead

All advice is welcome, please provide useful or inappropriate comments below. I asked Mrs Sensible for her thoughts on obtaining Italian citizenship, she said I was crazy.

Not everyone thinks I am crazy. Mishmash my cat thinks I am fabulous, well except when I throw her out into the rain or chase her around the house with a water pistol shouting at her for climbing onto the kitchen side or sneaking into one of the bedrooms for a crafty sleep.

Training Mishmash with the water aversion therapy became when she was a kitten

Training Mishmash with the water aversion therapy started when she was a kitten

The teachers from the little school in Mombello don’t think I am too crazy, Once again they have asked me if I can spare a couple of hours a week to help their chilblains with their English Studies.

Before setting of for my lesson, I once again visited the lunatics at the local ASL office (health office) with my latest documents and they then sent me to the local comune (council) to obtain a document granting me the permission to stay in Italy permanently. The man in the comune gave me a temporary permanent right to stay!!!!! I quizzed him whether it was possible to have a temporary – permanent right to stay, but he just shrugged his shoulders and I lost the gist of the conversation after his fourth word.

The little school in Monbello

The little school in Mombello

I got in my little car, which smells of cat pee thanks to the attentions the hairy gigalo of a tom cat is paying it, and set off to the little school in Mombello, for my first English lesson with the chilblains. I was a little stressed when I arrived in Mombello, what with the staff at the ASL office trying to convince me that the United Kingdom is not part of the European Economic Area (I think they believe this because we don’t use Monopoly money (Euro) and have proper money (Sterling) and also because I was trying to decide if my neighbor would notice if I kidnapped his cat and paid the local vet to deballย it.

I had a good life, the local cats loved me. One day I was kidnapped, I remember the car I had peed on it often and then with a cruel snip

I once had a good life, the local cats loved me. One night I was kidnapped, I remember the car I had peed on it often and I will never forget the vet and his scissors.

I managed in my little stressed state to drive past the school and park twenty-foot further down the road. As I closed the car door a pungent whiff of cat pee assaulted my nose and as I went to open the car boot to retrieve my bag, a huge smell of cat pee hung in the air.. my little Mini had taken at least two hits on the drivers door and three on the rear bumper. That cat will disappear one night and reappear a couple of days later minus a bit of furry baggage.

It look like the right place to me

It looked like the right place to me…. I blame the mistake on stress

Outside the little yellow house that looked remarkably like the school I pressed the doorbell and was rewarded with a…

Chi e? (Who is it?)

Sono Io (It is I)

Normally this is all it takes to gain admittance to the school.

Allora? (So)

Huh! (maybe said a little petulantly) Allora!! Sono Io, per bambini! (SO!!! Its me for the children)

As I turned around in frustration, I realised the school was twenty-foot further up the road and I had disturbed some old Italian woman who had been preparing ย spaghetti bolognase for her husband and children.

Another Italian language flash card for your collection

Another Italian language flash card for your collection

The lesson with the kids was great fun, I am impressed with their knowledge of the English Language, it is far superior to my knowledge of the Italian Language, and I have been living here way before some of these children were born. Which is a scary thought and not one I should pass onto Mrs Sensible.

If there is anybody out there who has successfully applied and obtained Italian citizenship…. I am all ears.



43 thoughts on “A stressed Englishman

  1. Good luck Pete, I can’t obviously help you, but I feel your frustration with the Italian Bureaucracy…I must admit, shame on me, that this is one of the reasons I never thought of going back to Italy! My dad passed away 5 years ago and mum is still requesting documents which she obviously needs to pay for.
    However, I sense you are a very resourceful man and you shall find the way to endure this massive pain in the backside and also sort out the pee smell ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ :

    Liked by 2 people

    • The cat will be the easiest to deal with, the list of documents to obtain citizenship is not too long, most of them I have already collected for the twits at ASL,
      An Italian told me “Italy is a great place, for holidays. But not to live or work in” He was explaining why his company was based in Switzerland.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Yes yes & yes…that is the truth! Italy is for the Italians and I find amazing going there with my husband and watch him trying to make sense of things which are really senseless! So sweet, he does that every time, his English passion suddenly comes out! One time he just had a 1 hour long monologue on illegal parking spaces….Jeeee…in the end I had to get him drunk to shut him up! I think he’s slowly getting more detached, thank God!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Tell hubby there is no way to make sense of Italy, Mrs S and I are the opposite. She rants at the illegal parking, and then shouts at me because I am attempting to park my little Mini on a pedestrian crossing. Or when I stop using the indicators

          Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t think Brexit will happen, I think the UK will just try to get better terms. The quest is because I think we will stay in Italy and I am tired of duplicating paperwork every time I need something. Mind you I guess even if I gain the Italian passport, I will still spend my life dealing with Italian Red tape, because Italy can’t function without producing 5 copies of everything and then stamping them three times with their little rubber stamps

      Liked by 2 people

      • Pecora, I think you might indeed be a bit mad (or under the influence of a particularly strong grappa?). A Brexit would be the only thing that could motivate me to take Italian citizenship. Remember that your Italian passport will cost โ‚ฌโ‚ฌโ‚ฌ (โ‚ฌ125??) and expire every 10 years. That’s just the monetary cost, the hassle factor will cost a whole lot more! What are the potential advantages?


        • Hi Ingrid, A Brexit would be a good reason to obtain Italian citizenship, do I wait for it to happen and then spend 2 years trying to gain citizenship? I really don’t know. The cost of the passport is about the same, I have to order mine from France and with the courier fees it come to โ‚ฌ130.83 and it also lasts 10 years.

          I will obtain the forms and see how much work / money is needed.


          • Ah…good thinking about pre-empting a Brexit! Also, I hadn’t considered that you would replace your British passport rather than have dual nationality so, yes, cost would be more or less the same. I couldn’t imagine giving up my British passport!! I do love Italy and I have even (mostly) accepted the madness of its bureaucracy but…I’m too British…too attached to my passport. I look forward to hearing all about your experience.

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, I wish I was in a resourceful state of mind to assist. I’m still dealing with not being able to drive for 3 months without my Italian drivers licence – though, I will have a think if I know anyone who has applied for it. May the Force be with you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I got my Italian citizenship 8 years ago. A hassle with all the documentation and hoops you have to go through at office after office after office, but in the end worth it. At least for me. Have fun!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. After 30+ years in Rome, I’m also seriously considering applying for citizenship.

    From my experience, though,the only advice I can give you is to only speak when absolutely necessary and to never offer unsolicited information – it only confuses them.

    In culo alla balena!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. This is timely PN. I’ve got a bookclub meeting tomorrow evening and quite a few of “the girls” there have opted for Italian citizenship, so I’ll grill them on the drill and get back to you. I’m personally interested as well in how the pros and cons of relinquishing being British for Italian balance. It’s got to go beyond the cost of the passport!!! I think I want to be able to vote when I move to Favignana as it’s such a tiny comune that every vote will count there. So I’ll be getting the citizenship business sorted out before I move south.
    Tell you what … let’s have a race and see which regione sorts it out for us first – Piemonte or Veneto! ๐Ÿ˜€
    baci Sally x

    Liked by 1 person

    • The post bookclub verdict on acquiring Italian citizenship is: there are no cons, only pros!!! An encouraging start! According to my friends who’ve made the leap, (and one has leapt from Chilean to British to Italian, so she’s a bit of an old hand) the Italian passport costs less than the British one, health-care documents won’t expire any more, and “They” don’t require that the neo Italian Citizen’s Britishness be rescinded. So – win win win. I’ll give the embassy a ring for their take on all these alleged “pros” before I commit fully to the swap, but it looks like the Game will be On for Piemonte V Veneto in the “Issuing-Citizenship Stakes”.
      Baci Sallyx

      Liked by 1 person

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