A pole and a phone

Somewhere in Italy there is a boat minus it’s mast. I know this for a fact, because there is a boat’s mast stuck in my garden. I was going to get a shovel and dig the mast out, but knowing my luck the rest of the boat is probably still attached to the mast. Over the past three months I have thought of several uses for our yachts mast (did you notice it now belonged to a yacht) I thought it might be useful for drying towels or maybe Mr’s Sensible’s knickers. (I might edit that bit out later, it will depend, if I can hide her wet wooden spoon)


No these aren't our scabby cats nor are they Mrs Sensible's knickers

No these aren’t our scabby cats nor are they Mrs Sensible’s knickers

As you know, Telecom Italia are driving me nuts, we still don’t have any internet connection and to be honest, by the time Telecom Italia arrange for their technical man to test our line, I will probably be retired and sat in an old people’s home drinking grappa and causing lots and lots of trouble for the nurses.

If they are armed with wet wooden spoons and needles, I might behave

If they are armed with a wet wooden spoons and needles, I might behave

At the moment the only way I can connect to the internet, is to sit in a café, drink copious quantities of coffee (in the morning) or lots of wine (in the afternoon) and use the cafés  internet.  Being an Englishman, as soon as the waitress removes my empty cup, I feel obliged to order another coffee, especially as I am taking up a table and using their internet.

Last week, I tried to vary the boredom of drinking cups of cappuccino by started with a caffé macchiato, I then moved onto a café marocchino, washed that down with a caffé doppio  and just for good measure, I  finished of the morning with a rather nice caffè corretto ( I then Jitterbugged to the Turkish toilet with big wide starring eyes. I suppose it is no wonder they think their resident Englishman is a bit mad.

Pecora Nera colides with the waitress as he jitterbugs to the loo

Pecora Nera colides with the waitress as he jitterbugs to the loo

If I am at home and I want to use the internet, I create a hotspot on my little crappy Huawei phone, I place the phone on a chair in the garden, run back upstairs to my office and hope and pray it picks up a good enough signal so that I can quickly download my e mails.  This drives me almost as crazy as jitterbugging around the café.

Yesterday I had an eureka moment; I knew there was a reason I hadn’t chopped down my flagpole. I suddenly realised it would make a fabulous internet mast. One plastic bag and a bit of string later, my mobile phone was hoisted 5 metres into the air and miracles of miracles, I had 3G, well maybe 1.5G but it did work and I managed to upload this post.


I told Mrs Sensible not to turn my flag into a cushion.

So if you decided to contact me, please, please, please use my contact form and don’t phone me, it is a nightmare when the phone rings. I have to run downstairs, play the last call on the bugle and lower the flag and all this takes time.

PS If you work for Telecom Italia or you know somebody who works for them, please tell them Pecora Nera is one of their dissatisfied customers.


64 thoughts on “A pole and a phone

    • Trying to deal with Italian firms is a nightmare, customer service is in short supply over here. We have just paid €100 to open a contract with the electric company and when we move we will no doubt have to pay to close it.


  1. I have a similar problem at work. No, it doesn’t involve a yatch’s mast, yet. I was able to get a connection when the other firm occupied the room next to my classroom. But they moved across the road. It was fine when they had the router near the front window, but they moved it to the back room; now with an extra wall between us sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. Maybe I should look for a mast… 🙂



  2. Pingback: I am so cool | Life is but a Labyrinth

  3. your necessity is indeed your invention—but I fear you may be a tad over stimulated—the kittens in the undies are adorable and I hope you may be able to now wean yourself off of the now stellar caffeine addiction and what ever else addiction may be brewing in the hang time of cafes 🙂
    ciao ciao pecora. . .


    • Hi MM, it is a huge problem, I thought I might be able to watch reruns of the Sweeny or maybe use the internet to learn some more Italian words. But Telecom Italia are just… Well rubbish


  4. Stellar post as always, and the comments match the mood you have set so well. I’m awfully glad your life is full of angst for what would we read about otherwise? Growing roses, perhaps? And smelling them?

    But, I do hope Telecom extracts the digit soon for your sake.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Good Morning Yvonne,
      I enjoy posting about the trials and tribulations of living in Italy, but by far the comments are much more fun.

      I was in trouble yesterday with Mrs S (what again I hear you sigh) she had spent all afternoon trying to reach me and the only ones who heard the phone ringing was the birds circling the pole.
      (This comment was sent to you courtesy of the phone on the pole)


      • Today, as I was hurtling up and down the mountain range (in a car) going from Dismal Swamp to Cairns and back, I pondered your problem. Not Mrs S, I mean the phone. Could you buy a really cheap one to use either as the hot-spot or to answer your other half?


  5. I also had a good laugh, PN, but why don’t you get a Bluetooth earpiece, then you can answer your phone without having to get out the bugle or salute the flag?


  6. Reading your posts always makes me laugh!
    Thank you and all the best with connection … on the other hand if Italian services suddenly and miraculously become effective and efficient – here goes fodder for you blogs and our entertaining pleasure!


    • Hi Daniela. This morning I am sat in my little Mini connecting to life via my phone. It is raining and the windows have steamed up. If I dont upload a post in the next 7 days it is because I have been arrested for steamy windows. Ps thanks for the nice comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: Don’t Mess With A Menopausal Woman | My Sicilian Home

  8. Pingback: The Boys in Blue Arrive. | Englishman in Italy

Even you non wordpress bloggers can comment, your e mail is hidden.. Don't be shy.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s