Marisa and Giorgio live a couple of villages away. They own the flower shop that I visit when I am in trouble with Mrs Sensible. I am therefore quiet a regular customer.
Here is a small collection of orchids I have bought to try to get back into Mrs Sensible’s good books.
They are not dead, they are due to flower and please don’t suggest they need more water, or you will set Mrs Sensible off again.
I am such a regular visitor to their flower shop that we often get invited to their home to dine on pizza and grappa.
Marisa outside her flower shop. Courtesy Google maps.
During the summer of 2011 I was once again in trouble, so I went to Marisa’s shop to buy another orchid or a bunch of flowers, when I suddenly fell in love with a beautiful Christmas tree. So I bought it; it just seemed like a good idea at the time. Marisa asked me how I was going to get it home, I was a little stumped, my basic Italian vocabulary does not extend to lengthy conversations, I usually get by with, va bene ( ok) mi piace ( I like it) and non lo so ( I don’t know). So I opted for non lo so.
Giorgio, who is a bit of a hero, offered to deliver the tree for me, he asked me when I needed it delivering. I pondered this for a moment, I was already in trouble for something and I didn’t think adding a Christmas tree to the house was going to help marital bliss, so I said non lo so.
Marisa said “due settimane?” (2 weeks?) This seemed perfectly acceptable, because Christmas was at least 5 months away, so there wasn’t any rush. In fact the longer they kept it; the more time I had to dream up a plausible excuse for buying a Christmas tree in the summer.
Two weeks later, Giorgio and Marisa arrived with my Christmas tree. I had completely forgotten all about the imminent arrival of yet more troubles. In fact I had forgotten to work on Mrs Sensible; I had forgotten my carefully laid out plan on how to convince Mrs Sensible that buying a Christmas tree in the summer, made perfect sense.
Christmas 2012, the tree sat outside in the snow, festooned with lights. Scooby Doo was still living with the big dogs across the road. Had he decided to move in during 2012 he could have spent his Christmas sheltering under the tree from the snow.
Finding out how large a box I will need to post Scooby Doo to a willing Blogging friend
This year I decided to bring the tree inside the house and hang little baubles and lights on it. It seemed like a good idea at the time. After carrying the tree up 17 steps, I had already regretted buying the heavy and prickly thing. Manoeuvring it through the front door I had to use one foot to keep the cat outside and the other foot to close the door.
The tree looked wonderful, it didn’t shed many pine leaves, mainly because it was still alive and carrying it up stairs I can testify that it was sat in at least 40 kilos of Piermonte clay.
- A little Christmas tree
Today Christmas is officially over. Befana has been and gone and I stripped the tree of all its pretty lights and baubles. Like the rest of us, the Christmas tree has put on some extra weight and it looks a little bigger.
It just fitted through the door.
I dragged it down the corridor and before attempting the 17 stairs I paused to get my breath. As I then started down the stairs, the plastic plate that the tree stood on, broke free and miraculously slid under my right foot that was just trying to find purchase on step number 4. All hell broke loose, the tree, Pecora Nera (Me) and the plastic plate disappeared down the stairs faster than you could say ‘It seemed like a good idea at the time’
Stupid plastic plate
As the tree, me and the @#+??$% plastic plate collided through the front doors, Gilda who is not the best guard dog I have ever come across, decided to attack the strange howling and swearing mess of tree and the creature that was tangled up in it.
Ask Gilda to attack an intruder and she will retire to her food bowl. Fall down the stairs with a Christmas tree and all of a sudden it is a ferocious attack dog.
Next year when we start blogging about Christmas and decorating our houses, please please please remind me that it is not such a good idea to use real live still growing trees that weigh 50 kilos as an ornamental Christmas Tree.
New Year’s Resolution.
1) To act more like a grown up
2) Not to follow my own advice
3) Not to use any more real and potentially life threatening trees at Christmas
Englishman in Italy 
Well, at least you had a lovely tree this year 😉
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LOLOLOL! Best read of the day, and by a mile 🙂
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I nearly didn’t live to tell the story. 😉
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That would have been a great loss to the world. Next time, maybe carry the saucer separately…?
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Durh!! It was stuck to the bottom of the plant pot. It took two hands to lift the tree and no hands left to remove the plate.
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I thought that’s what feet were for. For stepping on the saucer to detach it from the pot, rather than for stepping on it to careen down the stairs straight into the maws of Gilda.
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I was a surfing dude. From the top to the screaming bottom.
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You are very lucky the fairy didn’t get lodged in there… it would have been more than just screaming.
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True, I was very lucky
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But a real Christmas tree is the only sort that really has any character… never ever follow your own advice and get that baby out again next year!! 😉
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I hope, I mean I really hope it is too big to get through the door next year. It has almost doubled in size despite the fact I neglected it most of the year.
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wonderful post. laughing – sorry )
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I could have been hurt. Maybe even enough to need a sticking plaster.
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Are you in traction?!
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I survived. How is your new home?
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Ok I have finally finished laughing. So glad you didn’t break an ankle. Think of it as a kick start to working out in 2014…weight lifting trees in bloody heavy pots. Could start a new fitness trend. Might have to work on the falling down the stairs part though.
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I could have done with a stunt double for that part.
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Imagine what they would have charged for such a risky move!
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Too much… And here it Italy the paperwork would have taken days to type and organise
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i’m still laughing and bouncing on the sofa, ahahah!! poor miss sensible’s husband….! ❤
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I could have been hurt…
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Poverino….!
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🙂
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Okay I am done laughing at your expense. I hope you are all right, (I ask after admitting I just laughed at you). 🙂
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I screamed like a girl on the way down because I thought I was going to be hurt. Apart from my pride, a few pine needles that needed removing from my ears and arms I was OK. Although had Gilda not been so fat and got to me a bit earlier I might have suffered a bite or two.
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You are one lucky guy. Glad you weren’t seriously hurt.
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Owch. Hope you’re ok. I cringed when I read this as those marble stairs do not looks too welcoming. I’d suggest roping Scooby Doo’s owners into the equation next year to give you a hand – in return for feeding their feline all year round.
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That is a good idea. I survived the almost fatal fall.
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I guess I am a really bad person, I laughed at the image of you snow-boarding down those stairs. Did you squeal? (I am also a good person, because I was truly relieved to hear that only your dignity suffered.) Phew, you know how to entertain the crowd.
PS I dreamed that you won that blogger award!!! Let’s see if that comes true.
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I hope all your dreams come true, especially when you dream that I win an award or I become insanely rich and famous.
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Good, you didn’t get hurt. But I laughed too, became a little visual. Couldn’t your wonderful cat help you? He he he
Thanks for sharing.
Irene
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The cat was probably sat under the hedge watching the action and grinning.
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😀
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You have made me feel all Christmassy again! Ching Ching Ching a ling…….
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Thank goodness you weren’t hurt! Those stairs look lethal. What you could do is to install a stair chair lift in anticipation of a future old age incapacity and to transport live Christmas trees. 🙂
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Glad that no humans or animals were hurt during the making of this. We had a similar experience. Then we planted the thing outside the house and it got so big, it was starting to bring down the house – literally. Cracks started appearing on the walls. Christmas trees, no matter how pretty, are EVIL and on the side of the sensible!
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They are indeed dangerous plants, not unlike the triffids, did you see the film or read the book?
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I have done neither but now I know what I’m going to do this weekend. Erm, Merry Christmas! 😀
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Merry Christmas 🙂
It is an old book written by John Wyndham
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I googled it when you mentioned book or movie. Which one did you prefer?
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I am a book reader, so I would go for the book. 🙂 I bet the film is on You Tube 🙂
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Will see if I can find it. I’m a book reader as well. If not, I’ll laze around watching it this weekend.
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🙂 I am house hunting this weekend… no lazing around here
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You’re moving? It’s not going to be as simple as your license, I presume!
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I am not sure, but I do know nothing in life is simple in Italy.
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Most people say January is a bit dull, nothing ever happens, but you survived the Attack of the 50 Kilo Conifer!!
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I should have used Attack of the 50 Kilo conifer as the title 😉
Life here is never dull,Yesterday I went to the doctors with my personal translator (Mrs Sensible) and I had to restrain myself from laughing, at the utter absurdity of how life works in Italy. The way they queue at the doctors and the argument / discussion on who was allowed to see the doctor between 6 & 7 in the evening. I am trying to create a post, but I have the Italian Bidet post to do and the Poste Italia post and the ….
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I spent an entire afternoon on a gurney in Milan hospital and it was the longest afternoon of my life. After 8 years in Italy, I could exchange stories with you all afternoon. With a bottle of grappa to keep the humor up and the incredulity in check. Bless the country, though, I have fond memories. Or it has changed me and I haven’t the sense I was born with!
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Sharing a bottle of grappa and swapping stories sounds like a great idea. 🙂
An afternoon on a gurney in Milan does not sound like much fun.
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It was pretty while it lasted at any rate. Did you break it (and yourself much) on the way down?
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I survived 🙂 Only just
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on the bright side, that was one helluva workout lugging that thing up the stairs. Sounds like the removal was more of a quick ride than a workout, but still, every little bit counts. 🙂
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At the moment I need a good work out or two.
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Is it normal to have live Christmas trees in Italy? Everyone had it here in Greenland…the land with no trees =) Loved your story!
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No it is not normal at all, but then this is not a normal household.
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I’m glad you survived – that could have been one huge mess at the bottom of the stairs! I wonder what the statistics are for christmas tree related injuries?
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Or even Christmas tree related accidents involving Englishmen living in Italy
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Perhaps Scooby was behind the falling plate. Perhaps hiding in the tree. As you reached the stairs, the cat jumped down onto the plate, placed it under your foot and vanished down the stairs as you entertained yourself with your version of Swan Lake on the Stairs. It’s karma for not letting the cat indoors 😉
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I never realised it was the fault of that scabby cat. I should have known
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I was looking for something else completely and…well, here is this contest being run by the CBC (those really nice folks in Canada) and maybe you should enter Scooby Doo.
Here is the link: http://www.cbc.ca/irrelevantshow/sketches/2014/01/05/the-great-cat-conspiracy/#mid=&offset=&page=&s= it’s about the plot by cats to take over the world. I thought you might be interested.
Oh, the Canadians are the ones who did the animated film called “The Cat Came Back” that I told you about previously.
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I will go and have a look. Rather than entering, can I just send them the cat?
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Oh my! Good thing you didn’t get hurt! On the bright side ( if there is one) is that you got some good exercise climbing all those stairs carrying that heavy tree… Right?
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Erh! Right 🙂
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Well just think, if you hadn’t sensibly cancelled your diet you would have had no cushion to fall upon 🙂
Or worse…you could have fallen on the fat dog and have to live with the guilt forever, lol.
HAPPY NEW YEAR PEC!
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I love people who always manage to look on the bright side of life.
Crush Gilda! That dog is too fast.
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Get a fica tree or some evergreen plant that you can decorate but never have to get rid of. Otherwise, what a loss to the blogging sphere if you were out of commission for any time! And I certainly hope you weren’t fitting Scooby Doo for a box to be sent to the US, to someone who already has too many cats 🙂
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I was fitting Scooby Doo for a box regardless of whether they lived in the US, besides he should live with other cats friends. Do you think an Italian cat could communicate with an American cat. Do they meow differently?
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I have four cats and each one has a distinctive meow. They don’t meow to each other, just to my husband and me. They don’t really communicate as much as they coldly appraise each other 🙂
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Coldly appraise 🙂 Sounds like Scooby
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A truly entertaining story!
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You made my night with this story. I had a visual of you, the tree, and plastic wrap flying down the stairs. I laughed so much… Glad your not hurt…
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🙂 The visual you had of me flying down the stairs, was similar to the vision I had as I flew down the stairs. My whole life flashed before my eyes, In between screams and shouting Ohhhh mummmy, I also uttered “did I really do that?” as a particularly strange vision passed before me eyes.
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