BREXIT

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Brexit

The European Union has just announced that despite Brexit an agreement has been reached whereby English will continue to be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations,  the European Union  decided that English spelling had some room for improvement and has recommended a 5- year phase-in plan that will become known as ‘Euro-English’.

In the first year, ‘s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favour of ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ‘e’ in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as

replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter 20ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

 

39 thoughts on “BREXIT”

  2. Two horrible languages. Dump them both and make Italian the official language. By the way, I expected more from the Brits. I thought Americans were the only ones that routinely vote against their own best interests but I was wrong. Hopefully the US will not have buyers remorse this fall like the UK is today.

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  3. Pingback: Backing the wrong horse | Marcus Ampe's Space

    • Ciao Patrizia, I am glad you like my little blog of madness.

      Not only do we have Brexit hanging over our heads but we are also waiting for news from the Education ministry to see if Mrs Sensible’s request for a transfer to Sicily has been accepted….

      As always I am optimistic, which means Mrs Sensible can’t find anything in the house as I have already packed it in a box….. It took me three days to find a pair of shoes she suddenly decided to start wearing again….

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      • Look forward to seeing you in Sicilia! It’s been my personal mission to seek out the best food and restaurants on this beautiful island. If you need a recommendation….I’m your girl!

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    • I had to ask Mrs Sensible to translate this… Latin is one of her many languages..

      Allegedly the Irish want to use Gaelic, even though most of the country speak English!

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  11. I was fearing a finale like ‘DIE EUROPA’ after all of this Germanisation… That’s how much I’m seeing it black, I cannot even genuinely enjoy zis funy artikl (also, I’m a linguist) 😦

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    • The Brita are crazy enough to let it happen. Due to their stiff upper lip and sense of fair play they will allow the Brexit voters to get what they voted for… Even if it turns out to be a disaster.

      The government will use Brexit as a very expensive lesson on how to vote…

      For years to come they will say think very carefully how you vote, remember what happened with Brexit

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