During February Mrs Sensible was invited to go to a sauna in Liguria. I was not invited because it was an outing for her girlie school teacher friends. I protested about sex discrimination and Mrs S protested that the last time I visited a sauna I went Al naturali. It appears Italians wear swimming costumes in hot steamy saunas.
While Mrs S was deciding which swimsuit to wear, she also decided she required a bikini wax. When she suggested I help her, I pointed out my aversion to pain and suffering and declined to get involved in any way.
It is sometimes quite difficult to refuse to help Mrs Sensible. In the past I have under protest, had to hang the washing, wash the car and even fold and put away my socks. So in February I found myself gritting my teeth and holding Mrs Sensible’s skin taut as she quickly applied and expertly ripped away wax strips. Mrs S is made of stern stuff and she never flinched, it did however bring tears to my eyes.
So let’s now roll forward to yesterday. Mrs S announced we had been invited to the beach by her sister. She also told me she wanted a bikini wax and as the local beautician was fully booked I was once again drafted in as her waxing assistant. I took the opportunity to wander off to the bedroom and take a quick afternoon nap, in the hope the waxing was completed by the time I woke up.
I was rudely woken to the sound of Mrs S warming a waxing strip between her hands in the bedroom. This particular waxing strip didn’t look like the one we used last time, it looked more like something you might use to seal a puncture in a car tyre or maybe wrap around a leaking pipe.
As I held her skin taut Mrs S applied the waxing strip to her inner thigh. To make sure it was secure I gave it a little pat. It was at this point that I suddenly started to have doubts whether we would be able to remove it. Mrs S grabbed the corner of the waxing strip and gave it a tentative tug, it didn’t budge. So she gave it another pull and a small corner lifted off her skin. Grasping the corner and pulling she managed to slowly remove the strip, leaving all the wax and offending hair still well and truly stuck to her leg.
With a lot of tact I asked Mrs S where she had bought the waxing strip that was currently stuck firmly to three of my fingers and the little hairs on the back of my hand. I found it at the bottom of my make-up bag she told me, I think it might be out of date. As I stood, looked and pondered the problem of green wax stuck to Mrs Sensible’s leg, I realised I had seen less wax stuck around a Chianti bottle than was currently stuck to the top of Mrs S leg.
Mrs S walked into the lounge (still with half a kilo of green wax stuck to her inner thigh) and sat down to phone her sister to tell her that we have a small crisis and might be a little delayed. When Mrs S put her phone down I suggested she should soak in a hot soapy bath and try to remove the wax. As she stood up she encountered another small problem, maybe even another small crisis. The wax had completely glued her thighs together.
There are times no matter how difficult it is, that it is important not to laugh at someone else’s misfortune no matter how funny it might seem, and I am alive today because I managed not to laugh or even grin as she waddled like a penguin in the general direction of the bathroom
As we drove to her sisters, just a little later than we had planned. Mrs S turned to me and said “what are you thinking about” nothing I replied. You are she said I know you too well. Don’t for one minute think you are going to turn this into one of your blog posts.
As if!
I think that local beautician had better watch out! Could be a neat little sideline for you to supplement your crisp importation revenues. Half of the job, surely, is keeping a straight face 🙂
[P.S. that should be “taut” – unless you’re employing specialist terminology here in view of Mrs Sensible’s professional status]
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changed it.😗
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I am not very good with pain so I couldn’t do it for a living. besides I don’t think Mrs S would let me
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But… they will be PAYING you for it!
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if I go waxing the bikini lines of other young italian women, Mrs S will go in search of her large wooden spoon
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Fear not. Just pad out your behind with the wads of cash you’ve earned by the time she cottons on, and you’ll be fine.
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it is an interesting thought
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Sleep on it… under a waxing moon…
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😂😂😂😂
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Um, and there’s another taught to change, also.
Please don’t tell Mrs S I have tears running down my cheeks, and almost down my legs …
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I need to have a word with my English teacher,
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🙂 But, be careful how you approach her.
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hahahaha
Good point
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Does it count that I’m laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes?
Oh, poor Mrs. S….I can almost (note I say almost) feel her pain.
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it was so funny and I knew my life depended on being able to keep a straight face
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I’m not sure I would have been able to keep a straight face. But then the thought of her wet wooden spoon….
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I was laughing inside
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That was hilarious PN. I’m also adverse to waxing. More into waning 😉 😀
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I would never consider waxing. if I was a woman I would have hairy legs and hairy…. armpits
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The mind boggles at such a thought. I shall not sleep tonight 😉
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when Mrs S reads the post I probably won’t be able to sleep
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Oh boy. Hide the wooden spoon.
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mineral oil, olive oil, any sort of oil can lift it, soap and warm water doesn’t help much 😦 I feel her pain
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thanks, next time she glues her legs together I will tell her 😀
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Such a brave woman—in oh so many ways
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I know, I know 😀
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How do you manage to keep Mrs. S. from reading your blog? If she does, you are surely in for a beating with the wet wooden spoon. But this was too funny to keep to yourself!
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With a bit of luck I will write a couple more posts before Mrs S decides to monitor my on-line activity. This post will then get lost in the blog. I will also be ok if it doesn’t get too many Facebook shares.
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Hilarious, thanks for sharing!
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Thanks, Mrs S wasn’t very amused when her thighs were glued together
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My suggestion to make amends for using the waxing debacle as fodder for a post: Get some waxing kits that have a long expiration date and hope that she appreciates the gift. This was funny but in a good way. (I think) 🙂
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I would think any sensible person who reads my tale wouldn’t touch a wax strip again, do you really think Mrs S will continue with waxing?? I don’t know any men who wax😁
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Yes, probably so as some women never learn. 🙂 I’ve never worn a bikini as they were not is vogue when I was young. Frankly I think a woman looks great in a regular one or two piece swim suit. Bikini always look as if it is about to fall off. And they do sometimes. 🙂
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I have never seen a bikini fall off, but there is still time
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HA,ha.
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I’m now howling with laughter! thx for sharing 🙂
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I will pass your thanks onto Mrs S . after all it was her who glued her legs together.
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Oooh, ouch. Poor Mrs Sensible. (There, I think I managed to say that with a straight face).
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Poor Mrs S, the things she has to put up with. At the moment I am brewing cider in the cellar with her father, it is all very secret 😏
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Shhhhh, I won’t tell anyone….
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I’ve had similar waxing disasters (okay maybe not quite so bad as Mrs. S) and have out right refused to do it anymore. It sucks. Why can’t women just be hairy and lets be done with it?! I will shave or use hair removal cream for the rest of my life but waxing? Not unless you want self-torture!
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I received a message from a friend in America, who said she used hair removal cream to thin her eyebrows. She wasn’t very impressed when they all fell out, I don’t think the ‘Brazillian Style’ is in vogue for eyebrows.
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My goodness no that’s terrible. Au naturale is the way to go, I don’t care if we’re all hairy monkey women. 😀
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Au naturale as in nude in the sauna as the Germans demand or Au naturale as in naturally hairy?
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Both! 😀
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I am in full agreement with you 😉
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ROFL!!!so so funny! ohhh yes I feel her pain. This is for Mrs S- ask your beautician to video the next session for Mr S to learn some 🙂
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Hi Annie, luckily I didn’t feel any pain, Mrs S is pretty good with the applying the wax and the ripping off with hairs attached, just this time it all went very wrong. When the strip was stuck on her leg it looked like industrial gaffer tape. I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes as she removed it, when I opened my eyes the wax was stuck firmly in place.
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omg, this is so funny and you are a very brave man –
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Hi Beth, I’m not so much brave as smart. I have hidden all Mrs Sensible’s weapons of mass destruction. I am just not sure what she will now use to stir the soup with
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Oh this made me laugh so much, poor Mrs. S to go through this pain…
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I’m convinced that whoever invented bikini wax is the same person who invented root canal…Yipes!! Poor Mrs. S and her green wax debacle!!!
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Funny as ever!
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