The first thing you are going to ask is “has she taken Scooby Doo the cat with her?” Well the answer is no, she has left the scabby white cat here with me and no doubt we will both starve. Did I drive her mad and force her to leave me? Has she finally said “basta!” (enough is enough!) . All I can tell you is she has flown to Sicily to marry somebody. Before I tell you what has happened, go and pour yourself a glass of wine and then bring your chair closer to the computer screen while I explain what has happened.
Mrs Sensible flew to Sicily on Friday afternoon; no sooner had Mrs Sensible left these golden shores when Scooby Doo and I quickly made an inventory of the bacon in the fridge and the number of cans of cat food in the cupboard. I think I will starve first because I only have 3 packs of bacon left and Scooby Doo has 6 cans of cat food, plus he is not willing to share his food with me.
While I was looking in the kitchen for the emergency stash of chocolates and crisps, I found the following note pinned on the kitchen cupboard.
To Do,
Paint the new house.
Keep this house tidy.
Make your bed.
Water the plants.
Feed Scooby Doo
Do Not,
Have a party.
Mess with the washing machine.
Order more wine.
Eat all the crisps.
Annoy Scooby Doo.
I have already started dropping hints with friends that I am Home Alone and may starve to death over the weekend and to-date,
I have had no dinner or lunch invitations. Friday night I ended up eating a kebab in a Turkish takeaway in a little village called Fubina. Mustapha who served me said “it good you here, I practice English with you, I want live near Manchester United; Italy hot but no good. England land of Milk and Honey” This might not be exactly what he said, I was only half listening to him while I was eating my kebab whilst wondering if the scabby white cat had worked out how to use the can opener.
Tonight I flipped a coin, ‘heads’ I cook bacon sandwiches or ‘tales’ I go to dinner with a lithe sweet young thing and enjoy a romantic evening for two. It was tales and I had a nice pint of beer, a chilli con carne and a fabulous pack of Brown Bag Crisp whilst staring into the eyes of my guest.
So why has Mrs Sensible left me and flown to Sicily, top up your glass with some more wine and I will tell you. Mrs Sensible has gone to marry someone. Not as in to marry someone, (one black sheep is quite enough for Mrs Sensible) but as in marry two people together. It would appear there has been a new law in Italy, anyone who is deemed Sensible enough by the local council can officiate and marry people and so Mrs Sensible has flown to Sicily to officiate and marry two of our friends together.
She gets to wear one of those Italian banners over her shoulder
and ask the new couple the important questions such as:-
Do you take this man to be you lawful wedding husband, and promise to keep the fridge stocked with beer and his slippers and his pipe next to the fire?
And
Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife and always remember to open her car door for her and forgive her when she is short tempered and a growly monster for 1 week in every 4.
So it is Saturday night, I am home alone with only a bottle of wine and my wordpress friends to keep me company. Mrs Sensible will be back on Monday morning, which gives me plenty of time to straighten up the house and hide all the evidence of chocolate wrappers and empty wine bottles.
How is Scooby Doo the scabby white cat I hear you asking, well last time I looked he had given up with the can opener and eaten Gilder’s the short legged but incredible fat dog’s dinner.
VERY funny! Smiled the whole time I was reading. Best of luck!
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Thanks, I am working down a bottle of wine. hic
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My first question would have been ‘are you going to starve/burn the house down/end up eaten by the cat?’ 🙂 I know, I have such faith in you! Great to have you back! Hugely entertaining as always! If I ever meet a decent guy, I might get Mrs Sensible to marry us – I can’t think of a safer pair of hands! Sure you don’t want to party?! 😉
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PARTY!!!! YAY….tomorrow night…. bring a bottle or three and some food, please!
PS. Do you know if I need to use number 3 or number 6 to wash whites and do I put the powder in the first slot or the middle slot???
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Don’t even talk to me about washing machines 😉
Tomorrow? Monday is a school day! What are you doing tonight – I’ll see if Ryanair has any flights in around half an hour 😉
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Oh I forgot, you mangle knickers in washing machines don’t you? Check Cryingair or Sleezyjet, I still have some wine left. 😉
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I only have a glass – I’ll be right over 😉
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Ok just bring a glass, do you like grappa? I have a couple of bottles.
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I like pretty much everything 🙂
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You don’t have a clean glass? Mrs Sensible will not be impressed! 😉
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I am trying to work out how the wish dosher works, sorry dish washer (too much wine) but don’t worry I have 2 guestaways arriving on Tuesday.
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Will you still be alive then?? 😉
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I hope so, Mrs Sensible is miles away so I have plenty of time to tidy up.
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You just know you’re going to leave it all until the last minute 😉
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Very much like my homework during the 6 weeks holiday 😉
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Bad boy 😉
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Option one, sit down and do my homework. Option two, play hide and seek, upset Mr Erosion and play kick the can.
Not really a difficult choice.
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Aw, I remember kick the can!
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They played kick the can in Ireland? It was a great game.
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Of course we did! We had feet and everything 😉
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hang on, I remember a film about Ireland… My left foot or something like that.
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Yeah, he made feet famous in Ireland. We had them before that though… 😉
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So here was I at 7:45 Sunday morning, glass of wine in trembling hand, apprehensive about what was to be revealed. Phew, happy ending. I sure hope there’ll be a photo of Mrs Sensible with her official sash. I think the scabby white cat has a better diet than you, at east while Mrs S is away. Rabbit, chicken, veal … while you make do with Brown Bag Chips.
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Sunday morning already, I had better start tidying up. I am just glad that cat hasn’t worked out how to open a bottle of wine. Ohhh I have a video of him to upload. 🙂
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If you can get a flight (or are a very fast driver), you are more than welcome to join us tomorrow for dinner at Indecisive Towers. I’m not sure what will be on the menu – indecisive is not my name for nothing! It might be a bag of crisps, or it might be a Sunday roast… 😉 Scabby is welcome too, but he will need to bring his own catfood, as we don’t have any of that.
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I will book a flight, I think I can push / squeeze / cram that scabby cat into my hand luggage.
is it all right if I leave our beautiful cat with you and collect him another day, maybe in the year 2040?
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(Just spotted the typo in my comment – I seem to have renamed poor Scooby as Scabby, but then it is perhaps appropriate?)
Cats have a very strong homing instinct – you’d be better to move house again if you leave him here with us so that he doesn’t find his way back to you!
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Couldn’t stop laughing reading this post.. Enjoy the wine & watch out cause scooby doo may want a sip as well! 😉
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Scooby Doo can want a sip, but he is safely locked outside.
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And who was that lovely gray tabby feline who was your date for dinner? Trying to make Scooby jealous?
Surprised that so far I was the only one who picked up on that. Or did you have to use a stock photo because Scooby is still recovering from tick surgery and ashamed to have his picture taken?
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Yes, Scooby Doo is still recovering from tick surgery, he was a wonderful bald spot on the top of his head. I remind him of it every time I see him. It was a real live cat that appeared at my table!!!!
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I can’t see any problem if you have enough wine,
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Lol, shhh don’t say that too loud or I will be in trouble.
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Scooby Do will no less tell on you—cats have that way about them. Mine always alert me when “daddy” has been bad–especially when I fly away, not to marry anyone mind you, but no less away–as I am actually driving away Wednesday early, for our son’s wedding on Saturday down on the coast. “Daddy” will be driving down two day’s following my departure—just enough time to not take proper care of the two 4 legged babies at home—they will alert me, especially if one goes missing. . .
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Hi Cookie, Yes I get the feeling Scooby Doo would tell on me if I had a party. You only have 2 cats!!!! Wow you have room for one more, especially a beautiful white scabby Italian cat that goes by the name of Scooby Doo
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This is your opportunity to bond with Scooby Doo. Really, how can you resist a cat with that name, and a white kitty at that … compared to that gray tiger vixen in your photo 🙂 Just make sure you’re well sobered up and the house is presentable and Scooby Doo has not disappeared by the time Mrs. Sensible returns. And perhaps she’ll go on more officiating trips so you can continue your quality time with us and … Scooby 😉
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Bond with Scooby Doo!!! The cat that smiles at me one day and scratches me the next! I keep whispering in his ear we are moving sooooooon.
I still have today to party and eat lots of non healthy food. Mrs Sensible won’t be back till Monday Morning.
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Awwww. Poor PN. All alone with a stock of Bacon, crisps, wine and beer…? Pull the other one, kiddo, it’s got bells on it. You’re loving every minute of it 😀 I’m home alone too – but at my mother-in-law’s home (she’s in hospital so I’m being the visitor from hell during the day, and guarding the house at night). Her washing machine has rewarded me for my efforts by giving up the ghost mid cycle, with my clothes inside it.
Have a good day with Scooby Doo today!
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You are home alone too? I will send you my cat, he will keep you company. I hope your mum in law gets well soon and have a quick word with Linda at https://expateyeonlatvia.wordpress.com/2014/04/20/my-knickers-have-got-me-in-a-twist/ I understand she is an expert when it comes to washing machines.
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I’ve just been for a look. I was hoping to find some negotiation tactics to get my knickers back, but no such luck. I had a good laugh though.
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Have you tried the technical fix?
You need to stand in front of the washing machine, curse it a few times and then give it a sharp kick. It also works on televisions and scabby white cats (not that I would dare to kick Mrs Sensible’s beloved scabby white cat)
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I thumped it several times, and it begrudgingly opened to release my clothing – which it has thoughtfully soaked with water and not washed. I think it has sworn allegiance to my mother in law to punish me for not smuggling her out of hospital under my coat as she asked me to do.
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Try smuggling her a bottle of wine or gin, next time you visit.
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She was peeved because the excuse for lunch wasn’t served with a glass of wine. The food is awful – I’m surprised the French patients don’t all rebel and throw their Zimmer frames across the rooms in protest. I told her that if I give her alcohol I’ll kill her, and PF wouldn’t be happy if I bumped off his mum.
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no you had better not bump off his mum.
If I ever have to go into an Italian hospital I will take a bottle of grappa and some biscuits with my PJs and slippers.
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I can reliably inform you that whites go in on number 1 and put the powered in the first slot! 😉
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Brill thanks, I will wash Scooby Doo on number 1 😉 Do you think I should add conditioner to make him a bit more fluffy?
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Yes!
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i think the 3 of you can survive and thrive. if your strategy is to team up, rather than, ‘every creature for himself,’ and put all of your food and wits together you shall overcome )
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That is a really nice sentiment, but a pizza topped with the scabby white cats tinned cat food does not sound very appealing..
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Enjoy the time alone, it’s not too bad once u get used to it =)
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I miss Mrs Sensible, I walk into the kitchen to cook and then walk out with a pack of biscuits and a glass of wine. She flew back today so life is back to normal 😉
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Chicken flavoured cat food is normally quite tasty. I know Ma Fightback leaves me to fend for myself on occasion
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I very nearly licked the fork last time I mixed his food!! There would have been a lot of barf to clean up if I hadn’t realised what I was doing in time.
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I remember once they had cat food tasting on the Generation Game – “Hope You’re All Trying This At Home!”
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I used to love the generation game, but cat food tasting?
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I know!
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That cat food looks particularly low-rent. Even the cat on the front doesn’t look best pleased! Now that Mrs. Sensible has gone on holiday, it’s your chance to make mischief and eat far too many bags of crisps – just don’t eat the entire stock. Apparently, it’s bad business sense to do that… If the Turkish bloke wants to swap places with me, I’d be happy to move to Italy; though, perhaps not to work in a kebab shop. I’d never get rid of the smell. I’d have wildlife following me everywhere!
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The cat food is low rent and I bought the cheap stuff because the cat is supposed to live across the road and this was supposed to be a temporary measure. Little did I know I would have to move houses to loose the scabby cat. Don’t mention the crisps, I have scoffed a bag or three. You would love Italy, it has sun, wine, great food, lots of bureaucracy, a huge family called Cretino and mosquitoes.
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I am glad you are surviving! Your posts are always so entertaining! Thanks for the laughs.
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This is normal life here, you should hang around and see what life is like when it starts to get crazy.
We are coming up to the summer holidays and I might decide to apply for Italian citizenship, just for the fun of it. I am sure one or two of Mr Cretino’s relatives work in that office.
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I would think so too. You will have lots of inspiration for future blog posts them. =)
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What a nail biter… I was sure you and the cat wold starve, all because two selfish people wanted to tie the knot!
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Not only tie the knot, but demand that Mrs Sensible fly to sunny Sicily and tie it for them..
I managed to survive the weekend on a diet of Kebab’s, chilli con carne, bags of crisps all washed down with a couple of bottles of wine. It was hard work.
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Earth to Houston – Are you alive? Repeat: Are you alive? Over!
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Houston we have a problem!! The cat is ill, we are moving house and I am taking 8 Italians on a field trip to the UK. Chaos utter chaos. Over
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Hang in there captain. We shall beam you up in t-minus ill cat minutes. We have also sent you youtube videos of the Crystal Maze. That should take care of the Italians for a few days. Over. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXVpZZTVEow)
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