Mrs Sensible has Man Flu

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Even woman get man flu

Even woman get man flu

Ok, she hasn’t got Man Flu, she had Man Flu, it was last Friday to be precise. So Mrs Sensible and I trotted off to the doctors  to see if there was a cure. While Mrs S went in to see the doctor, I sat in the waiting room listening to BBC Radio 4 on my new phone. I really should write a post about my new phone, I can listen to English radio, play games, count the calories I am not losing. The only thing it is not very good at, is holding a signal long enough for me to make a telephone call.

When Mrs S came out of the doctor’s office, she had in her hand a fist full of prescriptions. 64 Euros it cost for the assortment of  pills and potions she needed to get rid of the man flu. She also had a prescription for me.

“Er, Whats this for ?”

“It’s for the hospital, I have booked you a visit”

“Why?”

“To see a dietitian”

I tried to convince Mrs Sensible that I was suffering from just a little bit of puppy fat, or maybe excess winter fat that would go as soon as spring arrives. The problem is, Italians take their health and other people’s health really seriously. In Italy you don’t need to be ill to go to see a doctors, you can go and see him because… well because you think you might be ill in the future. An Italian doctors surgery is more like a community center, it is full of healthy people passing the time of day. The sick Italians are all at home in bed, they just send their husbands to the waiting room with a list of their symptoms.

Today, I went to the hospital to see my personal dietitian. Of course, you  now think I am grossly over weight, but I am not, I just need to eat a little less and run a bit more, instead of running a little less and eating a bit more.

So arriving at the hospital, I was greeted by the bingo machine, I asked a women which ticket I needed and after perusing the machine she shrugged her shoulders and said ” no lo so” So I pressed ‘G’ If any of you can understand Italian, please will you have a look at the following and give me a translation for my next visit.

Englishmen, immigrants and Pecora Nera

Englishmen, Immigrants and Pecora Nera

While I was waiting for G19 to be called I watched one woman approach the machine and after scanning the list of options, I guess she also didn’t understand the information, because she then walked over to the bingo machine on the left, found out it was identical and walked back to the first machine and took 2 tickets, option a and option b. In the past I was so undecided which ticket to take, I took one of each (see Hospital  Bingo)

2 machines, neither made any sense.

2 machines, neither made any sense.

Finally my number was called out

G19

G19, Look at the holes in the metal chairs!!!! I wonder if they leave circles on your bum?

And I then wandered over to the cubicle that was flashing the number G19

Payment time

Payment time

As I handed the woman my ticket (just to prove I hadn’t queue jumped) and my prescription, plus €50.00, yes we have to pay for treatment in Italy. She looked at me a bit strangely, I immediately knew what she was thinking, she was thinking, why does this slim good looking human specimen need to see a dietitian. In fact I had suggested the same thing to Mrs Sensible earlier today.

After stamping my ticket, she refused my money and told me to go and pay next door.

They don't accept debit cards, credit cards or even Tesco vouchers

They don’t accept debit cards, credit cards or even Tesco vouchers

The hospital has a bank in the corridor and all payments are made here, despite it being a bank, they don’t accept debit cards, credit cards or even Tesco vouchers.  They only accept real Italian Euros.

Following the signs for the dietitian, I found this wonderful sign.

Doctors

Psychology Dietitian and Competent Doctors

At least I was heading towards the competent doctors, I wonder where the incompetent doctors worked?

When I reached the dietitian Mrs Sensible was already there and waiting for me, she had already helped the doctor fill out my personal data. I was then interrogated as to my eating habits.

Dr. What do you eat for breakfast?

I don’t

Dr. You don’t??? Why not?

I don’t like breakfasts, I just have a cup of tea.

Dr. Ahh, this is going to be difficult, he is English. What do you eat at lunch time?

I don’t, if I am very hungry I will eat some breakfast cereals. I don’t tend to have time to eat during the day.

????????

Mrs Sensible then very helpfully told the doctor that I enjoy eating chocolates and biscuits, in fact she said I like to sit down in the evening with a glass of wine and a handful of biscuits. I didn’t take offence as this is perfectly normal behavior isn’t it?

Dr.  What do you drink?

Water, erh also a little wine.

Dr. How much do you drink?

mmm maybe 2 or 3 glasses, but not everyday.

Dr. You will have to drink only 1 glass a day.

Mrs S. When we have friends over, he sometimes drinks more than 3 and he likes grappa.

Dr. Well if you have a fiesta (party) then it is ok to drink more wine, but no grappa.

PN to Mrs S That’s ok then, we will have a fiesta more often.

So after I was weighed, measured and deloused a second appointment was booked when I will receive my diet sheet.

Weighed, measured and de loused

Weighed, measured and de-loused

I have had a couple of thoughts following the hospital visit.

1) If I am only allowed to drink one glass of wine a day, I need to buy bigger glasses.

2) If I am only allowed to enjoy a couple of glasses when friends visit, then I need to increase the number of my friends and invite them over more often.

3) I paid 46 Euros to be told I eat at the wrong time, eat the wrong foods and enjoy drinking too much wine oh and I need to exercise more. Mrs Sensible thinks it is money well spent because I will lose weight rather than be tutted at by the doctor at my next appointment. I think 46 euros would have been better spent on 8 bottles of Marco’s fine wine and a packet of biscuits.

I know this is my second post in a day, but I have been absent for a while. I have a couple more to post over the following couple of days, and a lot of blogs to go and read.

89 thoughts on “Mrs Sensible has Man Flu”

    • Woo hooo, thanks for the skinny bit. I really don’t think I am fat, not fat fat anyway. I think Mrs Sensible just wants me to get involved in the Italian hospital system.

      PS. I was once told ‘If you want to know which parts of your body need trimming down or removing, get naked and jump up and down in front of the mirror in your bedroom, anything that wobbles, that’s what you need to get rid of.

      I tried this, but Mrs Sensible went ballistic when i said we needed to get rid of 2 wardrobes and a chest of draws 😉

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      • Oh, my! The visual image that just gave me.
        And although I’m reading and eating lunch….I had just put the fork down and swallowed so no food coming out my nose.
        Also if I’m going to read your blog during meals I’d better get my cat trained in the Heimlich maneuver. (please excuse spelling of that as I don’t want to remove said cat from lap to get the dictionary).

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  8. This made me laugh so much! Italian hypocondriacs, I happen to be one of them! (Too bad my host country has no compassion for people like me). Did you really spend 46 euros without getting a proper diet? I agree wine and chocolates would have been a better investment:) anyway, please keep writing, you even manage to make me miss Italy!

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    • 46 euros… lost forever. I was gobsmacked. If I knew the Italian for “I have changed my mind, I prefer to stay fat and cuddly” I would have asked for my money back.

      I have a plan to import a contraption that will alleviate cervicale, I am testing it on Mrs Sensible. Who knows, this time next year I could be a millionaire, or more likely, poor, slightly overweight and sat in a bar with a martini cocktail

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  14. I’m just recovering from a German Sausage Fest – but I don’t need to pay €46 euro for a doctor to tell me that I need to eat less German sausages. 😉 €46 could buy a lot of very nice German wine, or Italian, or Spanish… I would have loved to have seen the look on the receptionist’s face – what is this handsome, slim, English, black sheep even doing here?! 😉

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  15. can you mention that you will be doing many miles a day walking around looking for scabby scooby? and you will need a nice glass of wine when you get home to refresh you and help you deal with the sorrow of another day without finding him? i see it all as therapy.

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  19. Oh, Mrs Sensible 😀 Paying so much for a “specialist” to tell you that eating biscuits and drinking wine won’t help you to lose weight? Whilst the specialist is drinking you cash away and eating Hobnobs in front of the tv, I suggest you use the future budget for a month of personalized weight training 😀

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    • I carry the wood to the fire everyday. I do at least 2 sit ups in the morning (One to switch off the alarm clock and another to try and climb out of bed) What more do I need to do. Besides it is just a little fat I gained to keep me warm during the cold winter months.

      I was gobsmacked that she booked the appointment, I thought she was kidding. Anyway I will have a bit of fun with the doctor, you should have seen her face when I explained that I don’t do breakfast and I don’t eat pasta at midday. I thought she was going to cross herself.

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  21. But… grappa!? Surely that can’t be unhealthy!? I reckon that dietician doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Biscuits wine and grappa is pretty much all your food groups. I say keep doing what you’re doing, and throw in the occasional trip to the hospital for a bit of exercise walking around in circles following the signs.

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  22. I love breakfast. I especially love a fry-up but I really don’t have time except on holiday when I scoff everything on the breakfast buffet. When we were motorbiking in Sardinia I put on at least 2 kilos. All I was doing was sitting on a bike and eating. Lovely. 🙂

    They have since come off I’m glad to say.

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  23. Well, you have lost a little weight going there. You’re a couple of grams lighter as you have just spent some bank notes and coins paying for the visit!! Ah yes, in Campania you would have lost more weight……your visit would have cost you 56 Euro here…..

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  25. Oh what a masterpice, this made me scream with laughter!!!!!!
    Your photos are magnificent and the competent doctors.. well!!!!

    I recently saw a sign outside an office in Palermo which said “UFFICIO DEL GENIO COMMUNALE”
    Office of the council genius???
    I had no idea there were any geniuses working on the council in Palermo. There is certainly no civic evidence of their ingenious workings….

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