It seemed like a good idea at the time

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Marisa and Giorgio live a couple of villages away. They own the flower shop that I visit when I am in trouble with Mrs Sensible. I am therefore quiet a regular customer.

Here is a small collection of orchids I have bought to try to get back into Mrs Sensible’s good books.

They are not dead, they are due to flower and please don't suggest they need more water.

They are not dead, they are due to flower and please don’t suggest they need more water, or you will set Mrs Sensible off again.

I am such a regular visitor to their flower shop that we often get invited to their home to dine on pizza and grappa.

Marisa outside her flower shop. Courtesy Google maps.

Marisa outside her flower shop. Courtesy Google maps.

During the summer of 2011 I was once again in trouble, so I went to Marisa’s shop to buy another orchid or a bunch of flowers, when I suddenly fell in love with a beautiful Christmas tree. So I bought it; it just seemed like a good idea at the time. Marisa asked me how I was going to get it home, I was a little stumped, my basic Italian vocabulary does not extend to lengthy conversations, I usually get by with, va bene ( ok) mi piace ( I like it) and non lo so ( I don’t know). So I opted for non lo so.

Giorgio, who is a bit of a hero, offered to deliver the tree for me, he asked me when I needed it delivering. I pondered this for a moment, I was already in trouble for something and I didn’t think adding a Christmas tree to the house was going to help marital bliss, so I said non lo so.

Marisa said “due settimane?” (2 weeks?) This seemed perfectly acceptable, because Christmas was at least 5 months away, so there wasn’t any rush. In fact the longer they kept it; the more time I had to dream up a plausible excuse for buying a Christmas tree in the summer.

Two weeks later, Giorgio and Marisa arrived with my Christmas tree. I had completely forgotten all about the imminent arrival of yet more troubles. In fact I had forgotten to work on Mrs Sensible; I had forgotten my carefully laid out plan on how to convince Mrs Sensible that buying a Christmas tree in the summer, made perfect sense.

Christmas 2012, the tree sat outside in the snow, festooned with lights. Scooby Doo was still living with the big dogs across the road. Had he decided to move in during 2012 he could have spent his Christmas sheltering under the tree from the snow.

Finding out how large a box i will need to post Scooby Doo to a willing Blogging friend

Finding out how large a box I will need to post Scooby Doo to a willing Blogging friend

This year I decided to bring the tree inside the house and hang little baubles and lights on it. It seemed like a good idea at the time. After carrying the tree up 17 steps, I had already regretted buying the heavy and prickly thing. Manoeuvring it through the front door I had to use one foot to keep the cat outside and the other foot to close the door.

The tree looked wonderful, it didn’t shed many pine leaves, mainly because it was still alive and carrying it up stairs I can testify that it was sat in at least 40 kilos of Piermonte clay.

A little Christmas tree
A little Christmas tree

Today Christmas is officially over. Befana has been and gone and I stripped the tree of all its pretty lights and baubles. Like the rest of us, the Christmas tree has put on some extra weight and it looks a little bigger.

It just fitted through the door.

It just fitted through the door.

I dragged it down the corridor and before attempting the 17 stairs I paused to get my breath. As I then started down the stairs, the plastic plate that the tree stood on, broke free and miraculously slid under my right foot that was just trying to find purchase on step number 4. All hell broke loose, the tree, Pecora Nera (Me) and the plastic plate disappeared down the stairs faster than you could say ‘It seemed like a good idea at the time’

Stupid plastic plate

Stupid plastic plate

As the tree, me and the @#+??$% plastic plate collided through the front doors, Gilda who is not the best guard dog I have ever come across, decided to attack the strange howling and swearing mess of tree and the creature that was tangled up in it.

Ask Gilda to attack an intruder and she will retire to her food bowl. Fall down the stairs with a Christmas tree and all of a sudden it is an attack dog.

Ask Gilda to attack an intruder and she will retire to her food bowl. Fall down the stairs with a Christmas tree and all of a sudden it is a ferocious attack dog.

Next year when we start blogging about Christmas and decorating our houses, please please please remind me that it is not such a good idea to use real live still growing trees that weigh 50 kilos as an ornamental Christmas Tree.

New Year’s Resolution.

1)      To act more like a grown up

2)      Not to follow my own advice

3)      Not to use any more real and potentially life threatening trees at Christmas

72 thoughts on “It seemed like a good idea at the time”

  3. But a real Christmas tree is the only sort that really has any character… never ever follow your own advice and get that baby out again next year!! 😉

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  6. Ok I have finally finished laughing. So glad you didn’t break an ankle. Think of it as a kick start to working out in 2014…weight lifting trees in bloody heavy pots. Could start a new fitness trend. Might have to work on the falling down the stairs part though.

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  10. Owch. Hope you’re ok. I cringed when I read this as those marble stairs do not looks too welcoming. I’d suggest roping Scooby Doo’s owners into the equation next year to give you a hand – in return for feeding their feline all year round.

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  11. I guess I am a really bad person, I laughed at the image of you snow-boarding down those stairs. Did you squeal? (I am also a good person, because I was truly relieved to hear that only your dignity suffered.) Phew, you know how to entertain the crowd.

    PS I dreamed that you won that blogger award!!! Let’s see if that comes true.

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  14. Thank goodness you weren’t hurt! Those stairs look lethal. What you could do is to install a stair chair lift in anticipation of a future old age incapacity and to transport live Christmas trees. 🙂

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  15. Glad that no humans or animals were hurt during the making of this. We had a similar experience. Then we planted the thing outside the house and it got so big, it was starting to bring down the house – literally. Cracks started appearing on the walls. Christmas trees, no matter how pretty, are EVIL and on the side of the sensible!

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    • I should have used Attack of the 50 Kilo conifer as the title 😉

      Life here is never dull,Yesterday I went to the doctors with my personal translator (Mrs Sensible) and I had to restrain myself from laughing, at the utter absurdity of how life works in Italy. The way they queue at the doctors and the argument / discussion on who was allowed to see the doctor between 6 & 7 in the evening. I am trying to create a post, but I have the Italian Bidet post to do and the Poste Italia post and the ….

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      • I spent an entire afternoon on a gurney in Milan hospital and it was the longest afternoon of my life. After 8 years in Italy, I could exchange stories with you all afternoon. With a bottle of grappa to keep the humor up and the incredulity in check. Bless the country, though, I have fond memories. Or it has changed me and I haven’t the sense I was born with!

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  18. on the bright side, that was one helluva workout lugging that thing up the stairs. Sounds like the removal was more of a quick ride than a workout, but still, every little bit counts. 🙂

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  21. Perhaps Scooby was behind the falling plate. Perhaps hiding in the tree. As you reached the stairs, the cat jumped down onto the plate, placed it under your foot and vanished down the stairs as you entertained yourself with your version of Swan Lake on the Stairs. It’s karma for not letting the cat indoors 😉

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  22. I was looking for something else completely and…well, here is this contest being run by the CBC (those really nice folks in Canada) and maybe you should enter Scooby Doo.
    Here is the link: http://www.cbc.ca/irrelevantshow/sketches/2014/01/05/the-great-cat-conspiracy/#mid=&offset=&page=&s= it’s about the plot by cats to take over the world. I thought you might be interested.
    Oh, the Canadians are the ones who did the animated film called “The Cat Came Back” that I told you about previously.

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  24. Well just think, if you hadn’t sensibly cancelled your diet you would have had no cushion to fall upon 🙂
    Or worse…you could have fallen on the fat dog and have to live with the guilt forever, lol.
    HAPPY NEW YEAR PEC!

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  25. Get a fica tree or some evergreen plant that you can decorate but never have to get rid of. Otherwise, what a loss to the blogging sphere if you were out of commission for any time! And I certainly hope you weren’t fitting Scooby Doo for a box to be sent to the US, to someone who already has too many cats 🙂

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    • 🙂 The visual you had of me flying down the stairs, was similar to the vision I had as I flew down the stairs. My whole life flashed before my eyes, In between screams and shouting Ohhhh mummmy, I also uttered “did I really do that?” as a particularly strange vision passed before me eyes.

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