Oh how the mighty have fallen.
Gilda in the dog house
I am sure you remember Gilder the short-legged but incredibly fat sausage dog who saved her owner from the snake attack last November. Well she is in disgrace at the moment. There is a wolf that lives across the road from us. It is a pleasant dog that although it is big, it only howls at night when it remembers that its mate has died. It very rarely barks. The only time it barks, and then it goes absolutely mental, is when Gilda decides to stroll down to the wolf, bark at him and generally wind him up. When the wolf is in a frenzy, and running up and down the garden fence searching for a way to get at the little fat dog; Gilda deciding her work is done for another day saunters back across the road up our driveway and across to Luiginas house. Her tail at full mast just to wind the wolf up a little more.
If you look carefully you can see the wolf across the road
Now winding the wolf up is one thing, her punishment will surely come when the wolf realises it can jump the garden fence and outrun a dog that relies on legs that are only 3 inches long and needs to breathe in to make sure it’s belly doesn’t scrape along the ground. No, Gilda was incarcerated for joining up with Lila, Luigina’s other dog, which is known for being timid, and Diana a lovely soft Border Collie that lives up the road. The three of them caused a jogger to stop in mid stride.
The terrible threesome, and Gilda was the ringleader decided to surround a jogger who was going about his business of jogging up our road, and bark at him every time he raised a foot, shouted for help or tried to wipe the sweat from his forehead. He was paralysed with fear. Mrs Sensible asked me who Gilda was barking at; I replied she was probably winding up the wolf. Go and have a look please she told asked me. I had a quick glance out of the bathroom window and spotted the jogger who was doing an excellent impersonation of a statue.
Credits to Michelangelo. I think he was Italian
Armed with a sweeping brush, I gallantly went to the rescue. I didn’t really need the brush because the only danger from the three musketeers, would be a good licking. But as I had had to leave the comfort of my warm house, in my flip-flops, PJ bottoms and a coat, I was determined someone was going to suffer. Even if that someone turned out to be the jogger.
Having rescued said jogger, Mrs Sensible decided it was my fault, because I had left our automatic gate open. Please note the word automatic. We have the only automatic gate that is having hormonal problems and requires a good shove to get it to open or close. Friday it was raining and I simply refused to get out of my car and push our automatic gate closed.
Automatic, don’t make me laugh. they can’t even spell it correctly.
And that is why Gilda is in the dog house. A new motor for the gate will cost me around 400 euros (all donations to my paypal account please). The cost of keeping Gilda in Jail is significantly less. It’s a hard life when you are a jogger, wolf or a dog in jail.
Englishman in Italy 
Funny enough our neighbor has two sausage dogs who are really the evil hounds from hell. When I first crossed paths with them I bent to pet them and the neighbor screamed “No, they’re mean!”. Sausage dogs? Really? Turns out they are, our neighbor had to drop kick one of them who attacked his dog. Much as I love dogs, I’m wary about those things – maybe the feel they have something to prove because they have 3 inch legs… but I gotta admit, Gilda looks quite sweet there…
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Gilda is really as soft as a pussy cat, maybe a very fat pussy cat. She wouldn’t bite anyone. Her main preoccupation in life is eating, winding up the wolf and eating.
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Gilda is looking quite contrite now.
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She is sulking big time.
She is even more annoyed that Lila can escape from the dog house and she is too fat to manage it.
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Poor old Gilda. Her revenge will be terrible. If I were her, I’d refuse food to lose weight in prison then work out with dumbbells listening to “The Eye of the Tiger”, bust the door down and go and kick wolf butt. You go, Gilda! And why aren’t the two other mutts holed up for this too? Sounds like dodgy Berlusconi-style justice to me.
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Lila was locked up too, but she is lean and fit and also related to the Great Houdini. She can escape the dog house by running up the gate and squeezing through a small opening at the top.
There is no way Gilda will refuse food. Her nose is permanently covered in mud, because she goes digging for grubs and truffles.
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Very kind of you to offer, but 1) Murphy would probably reduce them to pulp, and 2) you need them to protect your Pecoramobile from joggers.
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I had even thought how I was going entice the two of them in the DHL box. Gilda was easy, food. Lila is one smart cookie and that was the problem.
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Who’d have thought that such a small dog could wreak such havoc! 😉
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I am trying to find a picture of Lila using my pond as her personal jacuzzi during the summer. She looked like a hippo. It took the threat of the broom to get her out of the pond.
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what a noisy neighbourhood you live in, Pecora Nera!
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With Gilda safely behind bars is is quiet. But I understand her parole hearing is this afternoon.
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I so notice how many dogs there are in Italy when I go visit now. Especially at night when is all quiet and they start barking. Here in central London dogs must he all locked up in the various apartments, so you don’t hear them at all. 😉
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Perhaps as part of Gilders bail conditions, she might have to spend some time in Central London. 🙂
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she would be branded an Italian hooligan! 🙂
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She is an Italian hooligan
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Gilda the hooligan better put on some doggy ski-boots if she wants to venture into London today. It’s a bloody snowing Spring day! 😦
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Gilda doesn’t like the snow. Her legs are too short, and her belly drags along the floor.
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Hahahaha I enjoyed going through your blog posts! Great humor, looking forward to your next story!
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I am glad you enjoyed them. thanks for reading and leaving a comment 🙂
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I have just had a look at your portfolio, you are very talented. I like the Peach Chai Tea Latte advert.
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Oh! My portfolio, that is one year old I really need to update it. Thanks for stopping by, I blog one per week =)
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