Peach
Uttering the words Italian and customer service in one breath is as bad as using King Herod and child care in the same sentence they just don’t go together, except in the case of our local macellaio. Mario knows this particular pazzo Inglese can be forced to buy his wonderful homemade sausages, fillets of steak and other tasty produce, all Mario has to do is point at them and say ancora? And I will nod happily and say si si.
I also receive incredible service from the local corner shop. Maria who serves behind the counter always serves me before anyone else in the shop. It doesn’t matter who is waiting to be served or how many people are queuing to pay she always says prego prego as she gestures me to the front of the queue. No no io sono bene. I will reply. But the other women who are either gossiping about local village life or queuing to pay soon join in prego prego they chant.
So I am forced to go to the front of the queue and using my appalling Italian start purchase my shopping. When Maria and the women first started to invite me to queue jump I initially thought it was due to the respect Mrs Sensible holds as the local school teacher; she is not called Mrs Sensible in the village but Maestra. It took the episode of the peaches for me to realise why they always let me go to the front of the queue.
Mrs Sensible sent me to the shop one afternoon to purchase five peaches, now I know you normally buy fruit by the weight but I am aware of my limitations when it comes to ordering in Italian so I began with Io Bisogno cinque pesche per favore, (I understand that I should us “vorrei” and not bisogno but it never sounds right when I say it) Maria gave me one of those looks that are saved for the village idiot, I hadn’t noticed at this point that one or two of the women were already giggling and snorting into their handkerchiefs, I just thought there was a cold going around.
Maria disappeared into the back of the shop where the freezers are kept. I thought this was really odd as the peaches were in baskets just to the right of me. Stupid old bat I thought. Maria returned with one box of fish fingers, one frozen fillet of fish in a box and what looked like a piece of old shoe leather that might or might not have been dried fish.
Fish Fingers
Erh no no!! I said, pesche I repeated pointing at the basket of peaches cinque pesche. Maria grinned and said pesca Peter pesca.
The women behind me were dabbing their eyes and thinking the pazzo inglese never fails to let us down this time he ordered five fish instead of five peaches. With as much dignity as I could muster I worked my way through the rest of my shopping and thankfully left the shop.
Englishman in Italy 
ooh what a wonderful start of my day, LOL I am in stitches !!!!!!! (ps ps it’s macellaio not macellare, edit edit before Signora Maestra comes….) 😉
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Thank you, I nearly posted about the day I asked for cane tritato maybe I will save that for later.
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I have changed it thanks.
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LOL x 3, they are probably wondering what’s going on with me here in the office, I’m so jolly in a good mood today !!!
please do post THAT !!!!
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Honest it is all true. My Italian language skills send Mrs Sensible mad. I will post it later maybe on a Monday morning.
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thumbs up to that! pazzo inglese!!
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Oh God, this made me laugh so hard as it reminded me so much of my time in Italy. I lived in the small place (Roe Volciano, close to Salo) and the atmosphere was just like that in the local shops!
Thank you,
Daniela
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Hi Daniela, I can see the glint in their eye as I enter the shop. Maria can serve me without grinning or laughing, but the others just giggle into their hankies. I am glad I made you laugh and thank you for the comment it is great encouragement.
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LOL! I still get peach and fish mixed up in Italian. I go to the fish market and order peaches, I go to the peach vendor and ask for fish. Fun article.
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As I mentioned above, mixing peaches and fish is not too bad but mixing minced meat and minced dog causes even more problems. 🙂
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Yes, that would cause problems and has for me for many years. Not sure if Ill ever get them straight!
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You really shouldn’t be of scared of Naples! Well, as you work on your Italian, try to develop a Sicilian accent. That scares Neapolitans.
Oh, and when you go shopping, ask Mrs. Sensible to write the shopping list on your hand. That’s what I sometimes do to my husband when we’re in England. She’s so sensible, I’m surprised she hasn’t thought of that already!
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Ha haaa, this has cheered me up! No wonder they send you to the front of the queue, with your abilities as s somedian obviously nobody wants to miss that!
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It really isn’t fair. Sometimes I will ask Mrs Sensible the correct way to ask for something, and on my way to the shop I will chant the the sentence in my head just like we used to in school 2 x 5 =10 etc Only for someone to wave and shout caio and as I wave back and shout buongiorno I realise that I have forgot the sentence that Mrs Sensible had spent 5 mins teaching me.
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A few years ago I was in Naples with a friend who spoke fluent Spanish – I don’t speak Spanish or Italian. So my friend seemed to be getting by pretty well – until in one shop she used the Spanish term for something and everyone fell about laughing because in local slang it meant something very rude. After that I was made to ask for everything in English, which took much longer…..
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You went to Naples!!!!!
I drove into Naples by mistake and as I was frantically trying to find the way back to the motorway Mrs Sensible was stripping me of my watch, wallet etc.
We had a minor domestic when she wanted to hide the Sat Nav in the glove box.
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Yeah went to Naples and had a great time – never had nothing nicked… of course given that my much missed mother was a skillful pickpocket herself I’ve learnt a thing or two about protecting myself from that sort of thing – the men in my mother’s family went in for burglary and left the dipping and hoisting to the women…..
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🙂
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So funny! Sounds like my Spanish. I never remember the name for “kill” and only remember “mata” which means murder. So the gardeners are used to me saying, “Por Favor mata los caracols.”
Translation: “Please murder the snails.”
🙂
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Funny. I struggle with ”I would like. “ and normally use I need.
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I STILL confuse la sieppe and la siepe – not a problem if I have to write them (but how often does is one required to write cuttlefish or hedge?), but I can get into a mess with the pronunciation and I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve spoken about “triming the cuttlefish” and how our “cuttlefish is growing rapidly this year”!
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Last Christmas, we had just finished a great meal at one of our Sicilian Aunties house, when I decided to thank her for the wonderful dog she had just served. Cane- dog Carne – meat.
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Oops! noticed lots of stupid errors (spelling and extra words) in that post – will you set Mrs Sensible on me?
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You will have to find your own Mrs or Mr Sensible 🙂
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