Ok, she hasn’t got Man Flu, she had Man Flu, it was last Friday to be precise. So Mrs Sensible and I trotted off to the doctors to see if there was a cure. While Mrs S went in to see the doctor, I sat in the waiting room listening to BBC Radio 4 on my new phone. I really should write a post about my new phone, I can listen to English radio, play games, count the calories I am not losing. The only thing it is not very good at, is holding a signal long enough for me to make a telephone call.
When Mrs S came out of the doctor’s office, she had in her hand a fist full of prescriptions. 64 Euros it cost for the assortment of pills and potions she needed to get rid of the man flu. She also had a prescription for me.
“Er, Whats this for ?”
“It’s for the hospital, I have booked you a visit”
“To see a dietitian”
I tried to convince Mrs Sensible that I was suffering from just a little bit of puppy fat, or maybe excess winter fat that would go as soon as spring arrives. The problem is, Italians take their health and other people’s health really seriously. In Italy you don’t need to be ill to go to see a doctors, you can go and see him because… well because you think you might be ill in the future. An Italian doctors surgery is more like a community center, it is full of healthy people passing the time of day. The sick Italians are all at home in bed, they just send their husbands to the waiting room with a list of their symptoms.
Today, I went to the hospital to see my personal dietitian. Of course, you now think I am grossly over weight, but I am not, I just need to eat a little less and run a bit more, instead of running a little less and eating a bit more.
So arriving at the hospital, I was greeted by the bingo machine, I asked a women which ticket I needed and after perusing the machine she shrugged her shoulders and said ” no lo so” So I pressed ‘G’ If any of you can understand Italian, please will you have a look at the following and give me a translation for my next visit.
While I was waiting for G19 to be called I watched one woman approach the machine and after scanning the list of options, I guess she also didn’t understand the information, because she then walked over to the bingo machine on the left, found out it was identical and walked back to the first machine and took 2 tickets, option a and option b. In the past I was so undecided which ticket to take, I took one of each (see Hospital Bingo)
Finally my number was called out
And I then wandered over to the cubicle that was flashing the number G19
As I handed the woman my ticket (just to prove I hadn’t queue jumped) and my prescription, plus €50.00, yes we have to pay for treatment in Italy. She looked at me a bit strangely, I immediately knew what she was thinking, she was thinking, why does this slim good looking human specimen need to see a dietitian. In fact I had suggested the same thing to Mrs Sensible earlier today.
After stamping my ticket, she refused my money and told me to go and pay next door.
The hospital has a bank in the corridor and all payments are made here, despite it being a bank, they don’t accept debit cards, credit cards or even Tesco vouchers. They only accept real Italian Euros.
Following the signs for the dietitian, I found this wonderful sign.
At least I was heading towards the competent doctors, I wonder where the incompetent doctors worked?
When I reached the dietitian Mrs Sensible was already there and waiting for me, she had already helped the doctor fill out my personal data. I was then interrogated as to my eating habits.
Dr. What do you eat for breakfast?
Dr. You don’t??? Why not?
I don’t like breakfasts, I just have a cup of tea.
Dr. Ahh, this is going to be difficult, he is English. What do you eat at lunch time?
I don’t, if I am very hungry I will eat some breakfast cereals. I don’t tend to have time to eat during the day.
Mrs Sensible then very helpfully told the doctor that I enjoy eating chocolates and biscuits, in fact she said I like to sit down in the evening with a glass of wine and a handful of biscuits. I didn’t take offence as this is perfectly normal behavior isn’t it?
Dr. What do you drink?
Water, erh a little wine, red or white.
Dr. How much do you drink?
mmm maybe 2 or 3 glasses, but not everyday.
Dr. You will have drink only 1 glass a day.
Mrs S. When we have friends over he sometimes he drinks more than 3 and he likes grappa.
Dr. Well if you have a fiesta (party) then he is ok to drink more wine, but no grappa.
PN to Mrs S That’s ok then, we will have a fiesta more often.
So after I was weighed, measured
and deloused a second appointment was booked when I will receive my diet sheet.
I have had a couple of thoughts following the hospital visit.
1) If I am only allowed to drink one glass of wine a day, I need to buy bigger glasses.
2) If I am only allowed to enjoy a couple of glasses when friends visit, then I need to increase the number of my friends and invite them over more often.
3) I paid 46 Euros to be told I eat at the wrong time, eat the wrong foods and enjoy drinking too much wine oh and I need to exercise more. Mrs Sensible thinks it is money well spent because I will lose weight rather than be tutted at by the doctor at my next appointment. I think 46 euros would have been better spent on 8 bottles of Marco’s fine wine and a packet of biscuits.
I know this is my second post in a day, but I have been absent for a while. I have a couple more to post over the following couple of days, and a lot of blogs to go and read.