I have been tasked with telling you nice people, 8 things you need to know about Pecora Nera. I could keep my mishaps to myself, but then I would have to decline the award that the nice lady at Sandcastles in Portugal gave me.
Ok, here we go.
Number 1
When I was 13 I was asked to be a cox for the Sheffield Rowing Club. It was great fun, I used to sit at the back of the boat and tell a crew of men or women what to do. I loved it! We raced all over the country and the two crews I raced with were very successful, we even won a Gold Medal at the Vesta International Championships.
One weekend it was peeing it down raining rather heavily. On that fateful day we arrived late at Nottingham Regatta. By the time we had rowed to the starting position, my boat was a quarter full of water. We asked the umpire if we could empty the water out of our boat. The umpire told us that we were late and if we didn’t come to the start position immediately, he would disqualify us. I wonder if he is related to Mr Cretino?
So we started the race with enough water in the boat to take a bath in. As the oarsmen took their first stroke, all the water in the boat was forced down the boat and into my lap. As I frantically bailed the water out with my little hat, the crew slid forward to take the second stroke and all the water rushed down to the bow of the boat (the bow is the pointy bit at the front). I was just trying to work out why all the water had disappeared, when two of the crew at the pointy end stopped rowing. So I shouted at them, I told them to join back in as soon as they could. Ronnie, a huge tall Irishman, shouted back: ” We are f&%$ing sinking!!” There was no Kate Winslet to hold my hand as my boat slowly but surely disappeared below the waves.
Number 2 (can things get worse)
When I was nineteen, I decided to host a Christmas party in my little flat. I invited my friends from the local pub including Sarah and Julie (I think those were their names). Both of them declined my party invitation, because Joy (I am 100% sure I have her name correct) was due to perm their hair on the night of my party. While I was drinking my pint of beer, I suddenly had an incredible idea. I would invite Joy and she could perm and set the two girls hair while we all partying: easy peasie lemon sqeezy. Joy and the girls agreed.
My hair needed cutting, as it was getting just a bit too long. So Joy suggested she could perm it for me (remember these were the 70’s). Obviously I promptly declined the offer; you see… I can be sensible at times, just like my wife. However, after 2 or 6 drinks it actually did seem like a bit of a wheeze to have my hair permed. So, having being asked again, this time I agreed.
Joy, who was no longer the Sensible hairdresser that I knew from the pub, giggled while she poured the solution on my head. We all got another drink and sat down and gossiped danced the night away. All of a sudden, Joy let out a shriek we all turned to her, and she said ” oh my gosh, you still have the perm solution on your head!” I then looked at Sarah and Julie who were suddenly collapsing in a giggling heap. I personally didn’t understand what the problem was, even after Joy dragged me into the kitchen to wash the solution out of my hair.
I don’t remember much more of the party, I vaguely remember dancing to We are family and Le’ Freak. I remember waking up the following morning with an enormous hangover; as I rubbed my poorly head, my fingers felt a mass and I mean a mass of tight frizzy curly hair, not unlike the picture above.
Number 3
When I was seven and unable to swim, my older brother took me boating in Stamford Park in Manchester. All of a sudden the heavens opened and it started to rain, which is not unexpected in rainy Manchester; knowing that I couldn’t swim, David took the decision to head for the island in the middle of the lake rather than the safety of the landing stage, where the boat owner was waving to us. As we reached the island, David said: “Quick, get out and I will steady the boat”. I really believed him… duh! With one foot in the boat and one foot on the island, the little boat slowly drifted away. It is amazing how quickly one learns how to swim.
Number 4 (Are you still with me?)
Whereas I was slightly inebriated when I had my perm ‘done’ I was stone cold sober, when it seemed like a good idea to have a tattoo printed on my body. My younger brother had a mermaid winding itself down his leg, whereas I (mainly because I was sober and I thank the Lord I was) decided to have a discrete tattoo done. I wanted Pecora Nera (Black Sheep) printing somewhere about my body; and to this day it is still there. Mrs Sensible has obviously seen it, and the Germans at the sauna saw it.
Number 5: I ate at the same restaurant 36 times in a three month period.
Three times a week for three months, I went to Maso Restaurant and indulged in their fine food, in a vain attempt to persuade Miss Sensible to go out for a meal / drink with me. She kept turning me down with excuses such as: she needed to wash her hair… she was too tired or had a much more sensible thing to do than going for a drink with a crazy Englishman. Not one to take a hint, I would simply rebook another meal.
Number 6: I have been a pilot taa raaa.
My elder brother is stinking rich; I am poor as a …. well poor. My brother has his own plane, it even has a go faster stripe down the side. One weekend he offered to take me flying. As we flew over Lincolnshire he let me take the controls of the plane and asked: “Have you ever gone cloud hopping”, “cloud hopping?” I asked.
“Yes: you head for a cloud and pretend you are a battle of Britain pilot”. So David and I went cloud hopping, neeeeeooowwww; the plane went as we shot down through the clouds. As we burst out of the cloud into the sun we shouted Rat tat tat tat tat and pretended to blast the imaginary German Luftwaffe. We were having a great time until the local air controller asked in a very British clipped voice “could you please confirm your direction. Ooops! Once a Pecora Nera always a Pecora Nera.
Number 7
I am a dog man. I like pussy cats, but I prefer dogs. I want a big daft dog that will chase sticks; however, at the moment I have a cat that sleeps in our garage and he isn’t really our cat. I had to dissuade Mrs Sensible from putting a collar on him yesterday. We feed him twice a day, he has been deflead and has thanked us by peeing on the stairs and leaving a little parcel for me in the garage. Mrs Sensible said he does it because he knows I won’t let him into the house.
8) I have been awarded The Woman’ Skirt Award, hence the 8 facts about me.
And 8 other people who deserve this award? Very difficult to pick only 8
http://livinginthelanghe.wordpress.com/ Mrs Sensible and I went and visited them a week ago, Mrs Living in the Langhe was wonderful, their little dog Otto was fab, I can’t remember much about Mr Living in the Langhe.
http://ilghepardo.wordpress.com/ This lady is not scared of trees.
http://ytaba36.wordpress.com/ Yvonne from Ytaba. Maybe I will invite Mrs Sensible and I to her part of the world.
http://lifeisbutalabyrinth.wordpress.com/ He makes me laugh even on a Monday. The man has more blogs than I have fingers..
http://bluefishway.com/ Ralf is as mad as me.
http://ididnthavemyglasseson.com/ A really nice blog.
http://1writeway.com/ A great blog for all you budding writers.
And last but not least ANDY, who comments on my blog. Andy, now you have an award, go and start a blog.
You 8 now have to write a post, include 8 things about yourself and nominate 8 other blogs. To read the proper rules go and visit HERE
I want to go flying and cloud hop too. Loved the sinking boat routine 🙂 Scooby Doo is waiting to get inside so that he can leave you a gift on your pillow. He is buttering up Mrs Sensible because she looks after little chilblain and thinks he’s cute. He’s not, he’s got an evil plan to take over your world. Go and buy yourself a great dane before it’s too late.
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I am glad you understand Scooby Doo. The face on that pussy cat says everything; it says If you dare leave one of your flip flops or shoes outside, I will make them warm and squiggy for you.
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And that’s just for starters (mouahahahaha…)
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3 weeks ago Scooby Doo sauntered back across the road to his real house, the one with the big dog. The big dog immediately ran to the fence and started growling and barking at Scooby Doo, so Scooby lifted his leg and peed through the fence on the dog!!!
Donna who was our guestaway watched it happen. If she had filmed it, Scooby would be on you tube.
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Hello, you Mad Englishman. Thank you for the nomination, for which my cat and I thank you most graciously. But, after reading your acceptance speech, in 8 acts, I have such a bad case of stage fright!
That Scooby Doo is definitely a cat with attitude, I’d be very scared of him, and wouldn’t turn my back on him.
Cheers, and you’re welcome in the land of the Long Paddock any day.
Yvonne
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I guess this post was more of a maxi skirt than a mini skirt 😉 Be careful with the invite, Mrs Sensible, Scooby Doo and I might just turn up. We went a visiting Livinginthelangue last week.
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Thank you, done it.
AV
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Aw, ScoobyDoo melts my heart…. and not much does these days….!
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I can send him to you. I will even pay the postage 😉
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And he’s already in the box 🙂
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Just needs a postage stamp.
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Don’t….! What a brute…
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You are right, that cat is a brute.
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Oh my. You are funneeee as “all git out.” That is some kind of hick in the sticks expression from parts of Texas and places unknown. I am glad that you survived the perm. I am surprised that all your hair did not fall out from the perm solution being on your nutty, er I mean smart, head too long
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After Christmas I managed to track Joy down and ask her to cut the frizz out. Even when my hair was short as in very very short, it was still frizzy. I spent the Christmas trying to blow dry it flat. Uffa!
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Love the perm story!
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Spending Christmas when you are 19, looking like a white Michael Jackson was a little surreal. Even by my standards.
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My nickname used to be microphone head so I can feel your pain……
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That was the name I was looking for… lol
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These facts are very funny, I am sure you have many more that are equally hilarious, I love the perm photo!
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Thanks, I was trying to think which I could include and which I should leave out. My life is littered with mishaps like these.
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Did you have to shave your head afterwards?? I had a dodgy perm too – and it was pre-eyebrow plucking days. I looked like a cross between Slash from Guns and Roses and Noel Gallagher for a few years. 🙂
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Lol, I had to have a buzz cut, It looked really silly even when it had been cut short. Don’t mention eyebrows, on an all lads holiday, one of my friends got exceedingly drunk, during the night one of his eyebrows mysteriously vanished (aided by one of us and a Bic razor). We then placed bets on how many days before he shaved the other one off. His face looked lop sided with only one eyebrow, he tried using a marker pen to created an eyebrow…. 🙂 🙂 3 days later he turned up at the pub with no eyebrows..
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Ha ha, yeah, I think it’s really the only thing to do! 🙂 The one eyebrow look is hard to pull off!
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Bad to the bone 🙂
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oh i had one of those perms….looked like a sheep and nothing could uncurl me
also love your cat put the stamp on and send him this way xx
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Lol, With regards to Scooby Doo, have another look at his picture, look deep into his eyes before you agree to taking him, there is a Machiavellian streak in him.
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FELICITAZIONI Congrats for your AWARD !
I very much thank you for the honor of nominating me for this award… and I do love the quote about writing which does apply to me because I run out of story after about 600 words…. But I have not been ‘doing awards’ – unlike trees, awards they do scare me, and worse they bring the lazy me to the surface … they require so much work…. 8 of these and so many of that, etc. I run out of words, my writing skirt ends right there. So with all my gratitude in mind you may feel free to pass it on to another deserving blogger. And Pecora Nera, listen, by now you OUGHT TO KNOW that it is against the blood and spirit of an Italian to ‘go read the rules ‘ – god forbid …!!!
I thank you and I remain mysteriously yours, ( the 800 secret things remain untold) – Vera
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merry Christmas Vera ersilia
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PS: Diet cancelled ??? but Pecora mia: there is always the New Year’s Resolution coming up.
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I cancel my diet at least 3 times a day;)
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In that case I agree.I begin mine three times a day. Siamo pari.
E buone feste anche a voi!
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congrats and thanks to my fellow black sheep and always keep that skirt in place. or not, if you so choose )
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Thanks, I will keep the skirt in place or someone will see my tattoo
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Hi PN 😀 On behalf of the staff of Bluefish Way ie. me, I must refuse this bit of skirt for 8 reasons :-
1) I smoke
2) My cats don’t smoke
3) I’m single
4) My cats are also single
5) I’m British
6) My cats are Spanish
7) It’s Tuesday
8) The skirt is too small. I wear size 14.
I nominate Merry Christmas to both of you
Ralph. CEO, Chairman, Teaboy of Bluefish Way dot com 😀 <smiley
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Lol, Merry Christmas Ralph
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Thank you for the nomination! I might just do this one; you made look like fun. And if I didn’t already have too many cats, I’d say send Scooby-Do to me … but as it is, living with four cats, all unrelated and former strays, is an uneasy existence at times 😉
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Scooby Doo will fit in wonderfully, he could be your early Christmas present.
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We might just have to buy a separate house for ourselves then 😉
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LOVE IT! Although I highly doubt the part where you used sensible in the same sentence as you.
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I was sensible once upon the time really, maybe when I was 2 years old.
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Aah, now THAT I can believe. If there are two Sensibles in a relationship, that would be unfair to the world, wouldn’t it?
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Thanks for the award PN! I don’t tend to do these things, I’m far too lazy, but seeing the nomination was really for Otto, maybe he’ll give it a go… By the way, I didn’t realise that Mrs Sensible’s maiden name was also Sensible. What a coincidence!
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Well spotted young man. I thought everybody knew Italian women kept their surnames. The form filling and rubber stamping is far too complicated in Italy to change your name. 😉
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This is the best award acceptance post I’ve ever read, you had me laughing all the way through. The life you have lived. I would say after Mrs. Sensible took pity on you and finally went out with you, you are probably going to lose in the end on the subject of Scooby Doo.
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I needed a Mrs Sensible in my life, if she hadn’t agreed to marry me who knows what trouble I would now be in?
Scooby Doo has not beaten me yet… I will buy a big dog
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You were very persistent and I”m glad it paid off. As for Scooby Doo, I’d say you need to attack that one on both fronts and sway Mrs. Sensible to your side. I am a dog person too so look forward to seeing your big dog. 🙂
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When Scooby Doo is not peeing on people or dogs he doesn’t like, he is very affectionate. It is impossible to walk in a straight line because he winds himself in and out of your feet.
Mrs Sensible says he does this because he loves us, I think he is just trying to trip us up.
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I am very much allergic to cats, started after the birth of my second son but it never went away. Cats seem to know this and will wind themselves around my legs filling my clothes with cat hair and dandruff. I swear they just like to torture me.
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I am sure you are correct 😉
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Ha, great post! I used to be a rower – loved it, but hated the 4am wake up calls for a grueling morning workout before school – so I quit and joined soccer. 🙂
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I loved rowing, I used to row as well as cox, but I was never good enough to race competitively.
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From what I’ve read and seen in his pictures I’m sure Scooby Doo can hold his own against any and all dogs. He does need to be wary of a certain human with a box and a handful of stamps.
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Scooby Doo is one smart cookie. I went down to the garage last night and there were 3 cats!!! He was having a garage warming party. Honest
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I have always known that most cats are smarter than most humans….myself included.
I once had a cat who would invite his friends and they would party on the roof. Made sleeping difficult with them stomping around all night. I had to take their ladder down.
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🙂
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PN, you have me laughing with your 8 facts. In fact, I wish it was 80 so I could read more. Facts number 2 & 5 are my favorites, but I enjoyed them all.
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Hi, 1) Thanks for reading the post and 2) Thanks for the nice comment.
Have a great 2014 from Mrs Sensible, Scooby Doo and Me
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